49. What hurts more, quaffles or words?

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Sirius

Sirius is on his bed, rereading his essay for Transfigurations with Bowie's record playing in the background. The only other person in the room is James, slumped on his bed. Despite being alone, they haven't talked to each other all afternoon.

Finally, Sirius can't stop himself from glancing at him anymore. James is evidently not okay.

"Why are you gracing us with your presence today? Troubles in paradise?", says Sirius. He doesn't receive any answers. Okay, maybe he has been a bit too harsh. He goes to sit on James' bed beside him.

"What has he done?", he asks coldly.

"Nothing. I don't know".

"He has obviously done something. I told you-"

"Don't, Pads.", says James, "I don't have an opinion yet".

"I don't know what I'm feeling", murmurs James squeezing his eyes shut.

Sirius rests his hand on James' arm, "Can I help?"

"You're talking to me", says James, his eyes sorrowful.

"He hurt you".

James rolls on his side, giving his back to Sirius.

Sirius goes to sit on the other side of the bed, and sees that James's eyes are filling up with tears.

"I knew he would have", says Sirius harshly.

After a while, James murmurs: "Pads, you weren't talking to me".

"You're dating him!", Sirius jumps up, "You're dating the most selfish, spineless-"

"Stop, Sirius", says James severely. Sirius. James calls him that only in grave situations.

"But you see that I'm right? He hurt you".

"I don't know how I feel", murmurs James.

"You're not fine".

"Pads...", James starts crying, "How could I be? You weren't talking to me".

"Do you even care if I do? You have him", his voice comes out as a murmur.

"Of course! Of course I do, I love you!"

"No, you care about him. You say he is nice and caring. You say he's good and has done no wrong. You say you're in love with him!"

"I am, but I care about you too! And I'm not saying he has never made any mistakes", says James. He takes a deep breath, and adds: "Can you honestly say you haven't made some too?"

Sirius flinches. "He is the one that always follows his parents, that never once said anything to agree with me, that left me alone-"

"And you- No. Pads, I'm not going to say how he felt, you can ask him yourself".

"Why should I? I know it already".

"Do you?"

"Yes!"

James shakes his head, "Pads, I don't believe you do. Honestly".

"Did he give you some potion to drink? Has he ever offered you something to drink?"

James chuckles through the tears. But then he turns sad again, "You don't trust me. You always trusted me", he says.

"It's not you who I don't trust".

"If you trust me, then why don't you try to talk to him?", murmurs James, sounding hopeful.

"What could he possibly tell me that I don't know?"

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