Chemistry Of Lust

CHAPTER 45

Edward and I slept an hour past midnight and woke up at 9 am. We ate our breakfast and had an innocent shower together. We had the tutor session for merely an hour which was surprisingly enough to complete the portion we had intended to do. I slept in my- er, Edward's fresh hoodie at night after the previous black one got wet in rain. I was too comfortable to put on my dress, so I just left in his hoodie. He will bring over my dress tomorrow from his place after he gets them laundered today, as he insisted.

It smells of him and I love that the most. It almost feels like I am hugging him even though he is not around me. I am pulled out of my thoughts as the uber comes to a stop. I wanted to walk as the weather is pleasant but I am too sore to walk two blocks. So, I inevitably had to take the uber. Edward begged me to let him drop me but I knew he was already late for his practice. I walk to my porch after paying the driver.

I sit down on the porch, taking a deep breath to collect my thoughts. It feels like it's been a long time since I have had a heart to heart conversation with myself. I don't have enough time to hear my own thoughts. Even though me talking to myself merely leads to overthinking and creepy ass intrusive thoughts but it's important for me to listen to myself before my thoughts start overwhelming me.

Yesterday night with Edward was everything. I have known Edward personally for only about 2 months and already so much has happened. The two months could fill up 500 pages of my journal but still wouldn't completely absorb our time.

It really feels irrational to be this close to graduation. How am I 18, already? I even have few online interviews after my semester exams, before Christmas. They are all for colleges in Europe; one in Milan, one in Munich and the third one in Leuven. I have always dreamt of studying in Europe and though the landscape is one of the reasons, it's not the only one. The colleges I have short listed aren't world-class famous like Harvard or Stanford but they are still freaking perfect.

The only thing I am worried about is the extra-curricular. The only thing I might be good at apart from studying and scoring good grades might be a decent fuck, which definitely isn't it to get me anywhere except a strip club. I think they might consider the whole tutoring thing as a good thing as it poses as a good benefit for fellow students but it's a long short. Even if they consider it, I will be put at the end of the waiting list.

I will worry about this later and also ask Sean for help who will be here by then. About a month ago, he said that he would take a sick leave to sneak and visit but he wasn't granted the leave as his idiotic friend snitched on him. But, now he will come for sure as it's the most important holiday, for which they even get a 15 day vacation. I notice the time and it's already 12 so, I don't have much time. I need to go over some of the things for Christmas evening and gifts before lunch.

I get up and the movement instantly makes me cold. I don't know if I love or despise winter but I know there's nothing in between. I turn the doorknob which opens with a click. Mom might have come home from work. Yes, my parents work even on Sundays.

I enter and panic when I don't see my mother around for a minute. Did someone break in? Fuck, the thought scares me and so, to defend myself I pick up a vase placed on the table and look around everywhere to spot any movement. When I don't see anyone in the living room, I head to the kitchen. I take off my heels trying not to make any sound and scan around the kitchen. I check the pantry and I don't know why I have a feeling that when I turn around, someone will smack me in the head with a metal bat or slice my throat with a 10 inch knife or shoot a bullet between my eyes which comes out from behind my head.

I whip around and breathe out with relief when there's no serial killer burglar behind me. But the relief is short-lived as I hear a voice from upstairs. I almost drop the vase at the sound but instantly regain my composure. I can't die, I can do this. I open the drawer as lightly as I can to grab the biggest knife available at our home, still holding onto the vase in on my hands, which has basically just become an emotional support thingy.