Chemistry Of Lust

CHAPTER 47

I walk and roam in the rain for 2 hours before finally stumbling to my home like a dead zombie. I know all eyes will be on me and I will fucking ruin our first family dinner in a whole year. I already hate myself for it but I feel too numb to care right now.

I turn the knob to the door and step inside as silently as I can before bolting to my room not looking around myself. I run up the stairs and mom, dad and Sean call shout my name. They saw my condition and my fucking reaction. I don't ever go to my room directly without telling them when I come home.

I lock the door to my room and break down once more, my legs giving up on me as I slide down the door. I am not this heartbroken because he cheated on me; I hate it because he did it with the girl who might have attempted to kill me.

I can't ever forget that no matter how happy someone else would try to make me. Not that I think I deserve happiness. I know I sound insane crying so much over a boy everyone told me to be careful about but he just made me feel so much better about myself when all my life I felt so less in front of everyone. And it wasn't because Edward was any less than me, rather it was because he made me feel like I am the best by just being me and I don't think there are more men like those anymore in this cruel, cruel world.

I wonder if it was ever real. What if he was all along fucking Amelia and just used me as a pawn for himself? What if all the gestures and praises were phony?

I spend another half an hour pondering over the what ifs. And just as I get up to my feet, there's a knock at my bedroom. I sniffle before answering sheepishly, "Go away, I don't want to talk to anyone, right now," I say and move to my mirror. I look a mess; my eyes puffed and red, snot leaking from my nose before I sniffle every second unable to breathe with my stuffed nose, my hair a big mess with strand sticking to my face, his clothes stuck my to my body like a trap I can't get out of. Even after running in rain for about 2 hours, they still smell of him and fuck, I didn't think a fragrance could trigger so much. '

But fuck anything is possible when it comes to him. There's another knock on my door and I scream this time, "Who is it?'

"Your annoying brother, now open up kiddo before I go and smack him in the face and cut off his balls and blend them to feed him his own thick shake," Sean threatens and his voice is muffled not due to the closed door but because of the pounding in my ears. Cringing at his threat, I think, I wouldn't be shocked if he actually did something like that because he's absolutely insane when it comes to me.

I walk towards the door and crack it open only an inch to peak through the gap. "What?" I ask followed by a sniffle.

"Charlotte, open the fucking door before it's his chest that I crack open up," he threatens again and I comply without arguing. He barges and scans me from head to toe like he's afraid that he did something to me. He slams the door behind me and sits me on my bed as he kneels at the carpet before me. "Kiddo, tell me what he did. I hate seeing you like this. I hadn't seen your beautiful eyes for one whole year, now I when I finally get he chance, I wouldn't to want to see tears swimming in them," he completes and he grabs my hands. I break down once again at his words. I hate that Edward has so much power over me. I don't give that to people so easily and I hate being so vulnerable. I wasn't outgoing ever but that doesn't mean I wasn't rebellious. Being alone meant I had no weaknesses except Ollie. But now, Edward has taken all of insecurities and stacked them up as tall as Eiffel fucking Tower.

"He cheated on me with that girl, Amelia, I told you about. I went to his room and saw his hand over her over throat as she was backed up against the window," I explain and my voice cracks at the end. Oh god, kill me before I cry more.

"What the actual fuck? But how do you think choking someone is cheating?" Sean asks as his eyebrows shoot up to his hairline like I am fucking insane. Oh fuck, of course he would; anyone who doesn't know Edward would definitely call me insane to think choking someone is cheating.