Hope wasn't made for us

chapter 9- It Wasn't Your Fault

chapter 9 

 I slowly opened my eyes to find a blanket thrown over me and Ryder no longer by my side, engrossed in his book. After gathering my thoughts, I stood up and opened the door, only to see Ryder emerging from another room. I paid him no heed, my gaze averted as I continued my descent down the stairs to where Mable was. A smile formed on my lips.

"Can I help at all?" I offered to Mable. I wanted to be of use, to contribute if they were allowing us to stay. She was about to respond when a voice interrupted from behind me.

"Yeah, same here, anything you need?" Ryder's voice came from behind, prompting a sigh from me. Mable's grin widened as she glanced between us. I had no desire to engage with Ryder; reality had set in. What was I thinking? I had just lost my family, and all those people... they were gone because of him, because of us.

"Yes, I do need some eggs from the hens in the hen pit," she answered, making me smile.

"I can get the eggs for you," I said, walking out.

"I'll help her," Ryder said, walking out with me.

"I don't need help, but thank you," I sighed, climbing the ladder and reaching in to grab the eggs.

"Come on, you need my help, and you know it," he smirked.

"When are you ever going to stop calling me that?" I asked, rolling my eyes.

"When I feel like it," he answered.

"You know, you can be a real argonaut son of a-" i stopped when one of the hen's bits me making me slip off the ladder but Ryder grabbed my waist, pulling me to him so I didn't fall.

he started to laugh making my blood boil "I'm glad you think this is funny" i glare.

"Oh, I do, trust me, I do," he laughed, prompting me to roll my eyes. However, I realized his hands were still resting on my waist. Our eyes met, and for a brief moment, time stood still, and I found myself lost in his gaze... He leaned in slowly.

"I should get these inside," I said, prompting him to release me, and just like that, the moment was gone, and time resumed its march.

"You should be nicer to me, um, I saved your life... you owe me," Ryder remarked, causing me to halt and face him.

"Owe you? Saved my life!" Anger bubbled up inside me as I approached him. "You're kidding," I retorted, turning to walk inside, but his words halted me once more.

"You would be one of those things if I hadn't been there," he stated, just as angry as I was. I turned around and just looked at him, wondering how he could be so nonchalant about this.

"Yeah, and if I hadn't gone with you, my family would still be alive," my voice cracked as I spoke, his glare still fixed on me.

"This isn't all on me, so don't blame me for everything, Ellie," he said, his voice cold and filled with sadness and anger. "I didn't know those people were going to die! I didn't plan for it! So whatever fantasy or fairytale you want to live in, stop! Stop blaming me! I'm sick of it!" he yelled, making me jump back. Even though it hurt, he was right, and I hated him for it.

"i saved you, and I'm sorry if that's not what you wanted, but it's what I wanted" he stopped yelling and his tone was sadder, he pushed past me, just leaving me standing there, thinking about his words. i was so worried about me, i wasn't even thinking about the way he must have been feeling. 

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We were all seated at the dinner table when Mable emerged. My gaze shifted between her and the food; it had been days since I'd seen a solid meal.