Undeniable | Louis Tomlinson

49

"Nothing wakes you up, like waking up alone."

~~~

I stood in front of my mirror, smoothing my hands down my tight fitting black dress. Today was my Dads funeral.

I wasn't really ready for this but I had to be.  I have to do a speech today too. Hopefully I can actually get through it. It doesn't help that Louis' mad at me.

I heard a knock at my door, pulling me away from the mirror. The door creaked open and Amy stepped inside.

She was wearing a flowy black dress with a pair of black heels, her blonde hair curled.

"Hey, are you all ready to go? The service starts soon." She reminded me.

I nodded, pressing my lips into a thin line. "Yeah I'm ready."

I grab my matching black purse and follow her out of my room. We go outside to the car where Alex is waiting for us in the driver's seat. She wore a black skirt with a matching black top. It complimented her dark skin well.

When we arrived at the hall the parking lot was already full. I wasn't ready for this.

We all got out of the car and walked into the building together.

~~~

The funeral had just ended and I managed to keep it together. During my speech I almost couldn't keep everything in but somehow I managed.

I feel overwhelmed by all the people that keep telling me they're sorry for my loss and my father was a good man and all of that. My head felt like it was spinning.

I refused to smoke or drink today because I know it isn't what my dad would of wanted. Despite how much I wanted to.

The guys ended up coming which I was happy about. I appreciated their support for me even though we'd only known each other a few months. Even Louis came which surprised me because of everything that happened. Specifically when he said 'We're done.' Those specific words replayed in my head all night.

After Louis left last night I went to Zayns room and stared at the ceiling until 4 am. I couldn't get Louis and I's conversation out of my head. Added onto that, I knew my Dads funeral was the next morning.

"Thank you for coming." I hugged my Aunt as she was leaving.

"Of course sweetie. Keep in touch." She gave me a pitiful smile.

My face fell as soon as she got into her car. I'm tired of having this mask on all day for all these people. All I wanted to do was get out of here. I can't be surrounded by death any longer.

After everyone had left, I stayed back to help clean up before I could finally leave. When we made it home I didn't speak a word to the girls and went straight to my room.

I changed out of my dress, carelessly throwing it onto the floor. I looked around at the state of my room. There were clothes discarded everywhere on the floor, the curtains were shut making it dark and gloomy, and my bed was a disaster. It was a mess.

I sighed and layed down in my bed, getting under the covers. I stared at the ceiling mindlessly. I groaned, rolling over to grab my phone off the nightstand. It was only five pm.

I threw my phone onto the end of my bed and opened my nightstand drawer, rummaging through it until I found what I was looking for.

A notebook and a pen.

So the rest of the night I spent writing.

~~~

I woke up to sunlight peaking through my closed curtains. I sat up, noticing I had fallen asleep while writing last night. I stretched my arms, yawning. Another day.

Today I'm going to go to my Dad's and start to clean out anything of his that I'm keeping. I wasn't ready to go be there without him there anymore but I knew it had to be done. This was going to be a long day for sure. 

I got up and changed into some sweats and threw my hair up into a messy bun. I grabbed my phone and drove over to his house. The girls offered to come with me and help but I knew I needed to be alone for this. I knew it would be an emotional day. For multiple reasons. When I arrived there I quickly park my car and grab my bag from the backseat. As I walked to the door I was hit with flashbacks of the day we brought him home from the hospital. I took a deep breath and prepared myself to go inside. 

When I walked through the door I was hit with the familiar smell of my Dad. He always smelt like vanilla. He used to tell me that my Mother loved the smell of vanilla so he bought vanilla cologne just for her. I threw my bag down onto the couch ignoring the way my heart hurt right now. I slid off my shoes and walked to the closet he horded things in. I sat down on the floor and pulled out a few boxes to look through first. 

I opened the first box, seeing it was full of photos. This was going to take a while. 

~~~

I had gone through almost all the boxes that were in the closet within two hours. I had one left. I dragged it in front of me and opened it. My jaw dropped when I saw what was inside. It was a photo album with my parents wedding photos. I always wanted to ask to see them but I didn't want to make my Dad upset by bringing her up. I opened the book, seeing all the photos of them. My Mother was gorgeous. We looked so much alike. It was crazy.

Suddenly, it hit me that I had no parents. They were both dead. I didn't have to worry about father's day anymore, his birthday, nothing. I couldn't expect those random calls from him that make me laugh. It was one kind of pain losing one parent, but it was another when you lose them both. 

It feels like every part of my life is falling apart over this past year. I lost my boyfriend, became friends with criminal gang members, helped with their scheming, got abused in several ways, almost got kidnapped, ruined my relationship with the one guy who treated me right, and lost my Dad. The weight on my heart and my shoulders was beginning to be too much. Its become hard to get out of bed everyday and find something to live for. Because what's left for me?

~~~

A/n:

Buckle up.