Innocent's Mistake: I got pregnant

15:>>

It has been 5 years since I left. Yes, 5 years. It has been 5 years of hardships, moving on, forgetting, and starting a new life. Of course, it wasn't easy--nothing was easy. Staying here, I've had a fair share of hardships and complications. I thought that if I'll leave Philippies I will be able to leave everything behind--every memory of the man I once loved--and I can start anew, I thought that if I go here I will be able to put the pieces of my heart together. But all those were just thoughts that cannot be brought to reality.

Hindi naging madali. Mahirap. Nakakapagod. Masakit. I barely managed to hold on kung hindi lang kay mama hindi ko na alam kung nasan ako. The first few years was hell. Culture shock, racism, everything. I barely had a grasp on what was going on around me. US is way too different from the Philippines, in a senese na hindi mo na alam kung anong nangyayari.

Kung iniisip nyo na gumanda ang buhay ko nung nagpunta ako dito, pwes nagkakamali kayo. Imagine how I lived with nobody around me except my mom and her husband--I barely knew. I had nobody to go to. Nobdy to tell how I'm feeling with all those terrible mood swings and food cravings. You may say that my mom is there, but hey, I just can't tap my mom and tell her to buy me green mango at 2 in the morning. That wasn't possible, especially that green mangoes are very rare here.

I don't want to be a burden to anybody so I leraned how to stand up on my own feet. I learned how to be strong because I barely had somebody here to help me when I need them. I learned to rely on myself and not anybody else because i have no one but myself. So how am I? You must ask. Well... I'm fine, I must say. Better than anybody else. My five years of living here was hard but I became better.

Well, about the objective of forgetting, I already forgot about that. What's good in forgetting if the memories of it can make you stonger? I won't be who I am today without all those memories anyway. 

"Ma'am Elize!" A woman came so suddenly in my office removing me from all my reveries.

I looked at her panicked form, "Oh bakit Jhoanne?"

"Kasi ma'am....." She breathed deeply before continuing, "May customer na nagrereklamo sa baba."

 I sighed, "Bakit na naman? Ano na namang nangyari?!"

"Ehh kasi ma'am medyo malamig yung coffee na na-serve dun sa customer, yun nagalit." she said cautiously.

I shook my head slowly, "Kayo talaga, alam nyo naman kung gaano ka-OC ang mga customer dito. Bakit ba hindi kayo nadadala?"

I lowered her head guiltily, "Sorry ma'am."

I shook my head again in disappointment and then I sighed, "Eh bakit sa akin nyo sinasabi? Hindi naman ako in-charge dyan? Malayo ang department ko dyan, baka malagot tayo."

"Eh kasi ma'am ayokong sabihin kay Mrs. Collins natatakot ako! Alam nyo naman po yun diba? Sobra po yun kung magalit. Baka hindi na ko umabot ng bukas dito. Kailangan ko pa pong magpadala ng pera sa pamilya ko. Bakit kasi hindi ka na lang sa F&B na-aasign ma'am? Mas madali sana ang buhay."

Napahawak ako sa ulo ko, ano na naman ba tong napasok ko? "Eh sya ang manager na naghahandle dyan, hindi ako. Dapat sa kanya nyo sabihin kasi pag nahuli tayo pareho tayong malalagot."