La Douleur Exquise // Muke {Completed}

Ruiné

Luke went from being snapped awake to lurching into sleep throughout the night, and Michael just watched him. He didn't move despite the cramp forming in his arm or the just generally uncomfortable position he was in, because he didn't want to wake Luke from any light sleep he could get. Michael was sure he needed it.

Three am came and Luke jerked awake, as if his whole mind and body and soul felt the shift in time from one hour to the next, and Michael wondered how he could do that, wake up exactly on time. It was like an alarm went off in his head that forced him awake, despite any wants of his own.

Luke stood up too suddenly, the pressure that had numbed Michael's arm relieved, and Luke swayed where he stood, as if drunk, but only disorientated, dizzy, headaches plaguing him too early, and Michael was wondering whether Luke was planning to leave. That thought didn't have to stay too long.

"I've got to go," Luke muttered, and Michael wondered whether Luke even realised he was here, or whether he thought he was just talking to himself, thoughts inflicted unknowingly, without control. Michael wondered whether Luke ever had control.

Michael shook his head, grabbing Luke's bony wrist, stopping him from moving, and he flinched at Michael's touch, turning to look at him with sharp eyes, as if Michael was personally offending him or something,"You can't leave," Michael croaked, voice too rough, scratching the the dry edges sharply.

Luke stared at Michael, a mix of emotion flowing through his dark eyes, though they were mostly wide in a type of fear which Michael couldn't identify, and probably never would, because he didn't know Luke's mind as Luke did so well.

Luke shook his hand away from Michael's grip, trying his best to stalk off, but tripping over his own feet instead,"Fuck you, I'm leaving," he said, too loudly for such a time, and Michael glared at him. Maybe he was already tired of this, maybe he just wanted Luke to get to the point where he could tell Michael what's going on. Either way, he wanted Luke to trust him.

"Luke, you can't just arrive here crying and act like you can leave without a trace," Michael said, standing up and hopping over the sofa until he was stood in front of the door, effectively blocking Luke's path.

Luke shook his head, trembling where he was standing, and Michael looked at him, the darkness masking his features, but everything still visible because they were so dramatic, every emotion conveyed so truthfully.

Luke didn't look Michael in the eyes, and Michael was glad as well, because he could see himself breaking down if he continued to stare at such desperate wide eyes, and he didn't want that. He didn't have a reason to fall away, he didn't need to do that.

"You, you don't understand Michael, you'll never understand," Luke stammered, voice shaking and every inch of it filled with a type of sadness Michael had never experienced and he hoped he never had to, because he could feel Luke's emotion alone start to destroy him, without it happening inside of his own mind. He could feel himself get eaten away by a parasite which wasn't even settled to his skin.

"I can try to," Michael murmured, too softly, but in the otherwise silent room, it was enough. Enough for Luke to hear and think about and know that Michael was telling the truth, even if the rest of his brain was telling him otherwise. If Luke knew Michael was real, wasn't the type of person to turn away, then maybe he could be alright.

But Luke continued shaking his head and whole body as well, his hands shaking so violently and Michael wanted to reach out and grab them and still them and make them warm and make him feel something other than sadness, but he didn't think that would work and he didn't know what to do and he was scared for Luke and he'd become scared for himself as well as other people too much. It was getting out of hand.

"No. No you can't," Luke whispered, his voice a sign of resignation, an eternal battle lost too soon. One battle wasn't a war, maybe not, but it seemed that to Luke it was and Michael wondered if he could ever get Luke to believe in him. He was doubting himself.

So Michael gave up, at least for the night. Luke was too distraught and sickly pale and incoherent in mind structure to truly understood Michael's intentions towards him, which were so innocent, and maybe that's why Luke didn't want to believe. Because he couldn't see anything but a destroyed world with no innocence left. Michael hoped he could change that, but somehow, he wasn't sure he'd be able to.

His actions were weak and his words even more so and Michael was wondering whether he was actually going to be helping Luke or unlock the features in him which truly push him over the edge. Michael didn't know.

Sorry for the long ass wait, writers block is a bitch and I've been suffering

I'm so excited to watch Kanye's performance at Glastonbury, like I'll only be watching online but it's gonna be great anyway l8r sk8rs