La Douleur Exquise // Muke {Completed}

Cercles

Michael's favourite weeks were the ones where Luke was around for the whole time, and for days on end. Michael felt like he could live the 'Luke experience.' He found out what Luke liked for breakfast and what time he woke up and the fact he slept like a starfish, leaving Michael no room in the bed.

Michael liked knowing the little things about Luke, the ones no one else except him would notice. Michael liked the way they could sit in a room together in silence and not feel awkward for no matter of time and the way they could have in depth conversations about anything at any moment.

Well almost anything that is, if Michael brought up anything that could even vaguely point in the wrong direction, Luke would change the subject. He was more comfortable in a way, he wasn't shutting down nearly as much as he used to, but that didn't mean he was even close to opening up either. Michael knew he should relish progress, but it just all seemed to be getting too slow.

Michael realised that Luke could only remember blurs of the night he'd appeared drunk, and not enough to know the conversation between them or the way he kissed Michael's neck and made Michael feel as if the world was only theirs for the short time. Though Luke had seen the hickeys and could only assume he was the culprit of them.

Luke was sober now, his half naked body lying on top of Michael's, all limbs tangled in a way that would make it impossible to tell who's was who's just by looking, and Luke's breathing was shallow enough that he could be sleeping, that was if he wasn't pressing sleepy kisses to Michael's lips, just short seconds of contact between them, constantly scattering his lips.

Michael sighed, rolling his head to the side, but this just gave Luke the ability to kiss along Michael's jaw, and Michael didn't mind, he loved the way Luke's lips felt on his skin or the way their bodies felt right in the position they were in. It was the fact Luke didn't feel the same.

"Luke," Michael mumbled, but Luke just hummed, dipping his head to kiss Michael down to his shoulder and across his collarbones,"Luke, come here," Michael added, pulling gently on Luke's hair to have him actually look at Michael. Luke had a tendency to never look Michael in the eye and Mike knew that was because Luke was constantly feeling guilty, but never enough to leave completely.

"I'm right here Michael," Luke replied, pressing harsh enough kisses to Michael's neck to leave hickeys there, and Michael whined softly, tilting his head back despite himself and Luke continued to slowly attach himself to Michael's neck, scattering bruises on top of ones that hadn't healed.

Luke ran his hands underneath Michael's shirt, hands skimming across Michael's skin and purposely not giving him any hot contact which Michael arched up towards but didn't receive anyway, whining softly to Luke.

"Luke," Michael whimpered, elongating the word, and as much as he wanted, maybe needed, every part of Luke, he also knew he shouldn't give in like that. He had some self control and he needed to start using it. Though he'd much rather melt into Luke's touch like putty,"Luke wait," Michael added, Luke's whole body holding still.

Michael took the sides of Luke's face in his small hands, sharp scruff rubbing across his finger tips as he lifted Luke's head to look him in the eye for the first time that night. It was like electricity between them, crackling to the point it shocked them both. The connection between them was undeniable, and neither of them wanted it.

"Why aren't you doing this with Calum. Why don't you kiss him or love him?" Michael burst. He was scaring Luke, he knew he was, but at the same time he couldn't keep tiptoeing around anymore, he needed answers,"Why don't you just break up with him?"

Luke bit his lip, eyes already starting to water, and he pressed his head into Michael's neck, trying to hide the wet tears that were being pressed onto Michael's skin. "You don't understand, I need Calum. He keeps me safe, and he needs me," Luke choked, shaking his head,"I shouldn't fucking be here."

Michael rubbed gentle circles and lines into Luke's back as his tears only got more violent, his whole body shaking and not with cold. Michael sighed, pressing his lips to Luke's shoulder slowly,"It's okay to leave Luke, it's okay to not love him."

Luke shook his head, lifting himself off of Michael suddenly, and Michael watched him as he crossed the room, picking up a putting on a shirt that was actually Michael's,"Fuck you, what do you even know about love?" he sneered, though tears were still falling from his eyes, ruining any angry persona he may of had,"I don't need you, I don't need any of this," he murmured, pulling on his jeans.

Michael sighed, not bothering to stop Luke. He was going to try and prove himself, he's going to get hurt again, and Michael was helpless. He was always so fucking helpless all the time. Even when he tried to help it backfired. Michael was tired, he just wanted Luke to see Calum as the bad guy, but he seemed incapable of doing so.

So Michael let him leave, Luke storming out the apartment with a huff, but Michael knew he'd be back soon, probably crying and hurt in some way, whether it be physical or emotional or both. And Michael would help him get better just for him to go back to Calum and for him to be hurt again. It felt like a never ending cycle.

For my English coursework I'm writing cake fanfiction no regrets lmao

Updates will take longer just because school from now on is actually important unlike the last years, so I'm gonna at least try, but that does mean writing takes a back seat, I'll try my best to get stuff out tho

To contradict that statement, I've got a new fic out called Some Minds and its a rlly weird idea I thought of in the shower but u should read it and stuff so yeh l8r sk8rs