La Douleur Exquise // Muke {Completed}

Décès

Tw- suicide

Luke woke up with an arm pressed right around his waist, crushing his ribs and chocking his breath, but he was used to that before. Calum used to hold him like that because he was scared of Luke dying, now he just wasn't willing to let him leave. Sometimes Luke wondered if Calum would have always ended up like this, or if it was his depressive ways that had led him to these possessive mannerisms.

Calum snored against the back of Luke's neck, wet breath mixing with the air whilst Luke lay awake at three am, waiting to be able to move, to walk around the apartment, to release his inner emotions that seem to collect up so much quicker in the darkness of night, when nothing and everything started to make sense simultaneously. He wished Michael was here.

Calum mumbled something in his sleep, his lips brushing against Luke's make and leaving shivers down his spine, but before Luke was able to decipher the words that were the only sound in the deadly quiet apartment, he had rolled away, leaving Luke bare and cold and free as he threw his feet onto the ground and paced out the room, his footsteps softly muted as he left the room silently, something he'd learnt to do after he got caught leaving and subsequently slammed against a wall.

Luke made sure to shut the bedroom door with a small click, the sound that sent terrifying waves to his heart, until he heard Calum's snores continue and he knew it was going to be awhile until he was woken up again, when the birds started screaming that the sun had arisen and the city came alive again.

Luke tried not to trip over the cat that wrapped itself around his feet and purred too loudly, so that Luke could feel the vibrations in his legs, and he picked up the large animal, letting him purr in Luke's arms until he placed him down in the table, Luke receiving a disgruntled sound from the cat that he hadn't fed him, before he sat down in front of the only thing that gave him joy. Well at least before he met Michael, but that didn't really count.

Playing piano at three am didn't have much much significance. Nothing had happened at that time, he hadn't found himself and three am, he hadn't lost himself at three am, at least not that he can remember. It happened to be a time he was always awake for, as if his body screamed for him to do this, and it was also when Calum was deepest asleep, and therefore it worked out perfect for Luke.

In reality, he hated the whole damn thing. His fingers could move quick enough and his brain couldn't keep up even then, and he wasn't creative enough to make his own melodies and tunes, creating covers by ear of songs he'd heard days or months ago, and they weren't ever much good anyway. Luke hated that he'd never been good enough, he hated that no one appreciated him, but that he was too self conscious to even let someone hear him play ever. He hated the fact that he'd gotten extreme anxiety the moment Calum made a suggestion to throw away the old piano that sits in the corner of the room.

Calum had taken no interest in the music Luke could create, he'd prefer to never hear him play it in all honesty, call him a loser for playing piano so religiously and not putting so much work into the other instruments Luke could play, like his guitar and bass. It was one of the only things Luke ignored about Calum, he found his heart and soul between the piano keys and he didn't want to take that away from himself, for an instrument that he felt no heart for.

He wondered if Michael would take this hobby so seriously, whether Luke could try and teach him, whether he'd enjoy it, find it as beautiful as Luke did. Michael seems to find everything Luke does fascinating, that was something Luke could see in his eyes, absolute adoration. He remembered when Calum used to look at him like that, he wished that would come back.

Luke slank back into bed around an hour later, sleep not taking him back. He hadn't been able to sleep a full night for years, and forgotten what it was like to not be exhausted constantly. He wondered when these feelings would end.

-

Luke was in the middle of drinking his overly caffeinated morning coffee and trying to force himself to stay awake, when loud knocking broke him away from whatever trance he was in, and his whole self confused to who it could be. After all, Calum never had visitors and he assumed by now Michael knew not to come knocking randomly.

Calum answered the door, of course, still half naked, black hair mussed up and he could look like a god in anyone else's eyes that weren't Luke's own. The view to who was there was blocked by Calum's body, however he voice that bellowed out was not, and Luke recognised it and had been hoping Michael had at least some what informed his friend that he can't just barge around Luke's life.

Luke didn't listen to what Ashton was saying, deciding it wasn't important and Calum would slam the door in his face in a matter of seconds, he could hear Calum yelling at Ashton to leave them alone, telling him he was crazy, and Luke forgot those words weren't always for him.

Ashton however, managed to barge past Calum, something unexpected considering Calum had always been able to stand his ground and he'd never seen someone ever push him around, but then there was always something new for everything, and Ashton was storming over to Luke with pieces of paper in his hand with words Luke couldn't decipher on them and a livid expression on his face that caused him to flinch back on instinct. Luke decided to pay attention now.

"You're Luke right?" Ashton hissed, to which Luke nodded, swallowing roughly as Ashton slammed at least ten different pieces of notebook paper, each scrawled over, but Luke was shaking too much to pick them up, he could see the blood on a couple of them,"They're from Michael," Ashton spat, and before Luke could pick them up, to confirm his worst thoughts, Calum strode over, pulling Ashton back from where he was towering over Luke.

"He doesn't know anyone called Michael," Calum spat,"You've got the wrong fucking person," he added, and he had a little bit of height over Ashton, but the way Ashton was seething made this difference unimportant, Ashton choosing to ignore Calum and turn back to Luke.

"Read one of them, take your pick Luke," he hissed, voice low and almost calm in the most sinister way possible and Calum was watching him as well as Luke picked up the one with the splatter of blood, now dry and turned orange and a part of Michael Luke hadn't wanted to see ever. His head felt too light, not even attached to his shoulders anymore and felt his whole stomach turn as he read the words. Though he didn't really read them, he couldn't take it in, none of them made sense in the order they were in. He needed to get out of this air of tension, he couldn't breathe.

Luke didn't cry, he felt himself grow cold, he felt his stomach shift at the thought that the last thing Michael ever wrote or thought or said before he was lying dead in his own apartment was about him. About Luke. The thought of Michael's dead body made Luke's whole self feel nauseous.

He dropped the note on the table, he didn't dare to read any of the others, he didn't want to look at them, he could see the crust of dried blood that had transferred to Luke's thumb from the paper, and he felt tainted, he felt like he had done this in his own accidentally manipulative way. He realised he was just as bad as Calum.

Calum ripped the page Luke had dropped off the table and away from Luke's eyes to his own, and Luke sucked in a small breath whilst Calum scanned the paper, no shock in his eyes, just a frown and his eyebrows furrowing. Confusion, anger, frustration. He didn't feel bad, he didn't care for Michael, the fact that Luke had dared gain an emotional connection with someone else however.

"Luke doesn't know a Michael," Calum muttered through gritted teeth, the note crumpling into a ball in his hand, and Luke lost his breath, an audible gasp that made Calum glare his way, but Luke couldn't help it, that was Michael legacy, Michael true and final self in those words and they were being lost under Calum's will.

Ashton rolled his eyes,"Then who are those fucking letters for. Not for me, Michael's best friend since forever, that's for sure, not the man Michael's known his whole life. Nope, these are all for some secret love affair they had," Ashton yelled, his voice disproportionately loud in the room that had been silent with tension,"Luke here is the reason my best friend is dead."

That was when Calum started screaming and Luke blacked out cold.

Tbh I'm surprised you guys didn't question why I suddenly started writing from Luke's PoV for no good reason um yeh

I'll probably do a double update and post the last chapter in an hour or so instead of write my English essay l8r sk8rs