La Douleur Exquise // Muke {Completed}

Vivant

Smut*

Michael felt that by this point he knew what an angel looked like. They weren't bright and beautiful with glowing wings and profound words in powerful voices. You could find angels in the least likely of people. The ones slumped, drunk against the wall and the ones who had everything wrong, but pulled through it still.

Michael never believed in a God. He wished he could, that he would find it in himself to believe that someone was watching over him, guiding through everything in his life. But when he felt this awful, and alone, he couldn't help but feel that there was never anyone out there in the first place, no one could ever like him enough to care for him, to tell him to carry on.

Michael had been pushing his only friend away, and he hadn't meant to. Ashton was sick of Michael, of the way he constantly slouched and never smiled and hardly spoke. Michael wouldn't want to be friends with himself either, he couldn't keep a conversation or laugh or even pretend anymore. He just wished everyone would stop leaving him. He needed someone, anyone.

Luke found Michael in both their worst moments. It was like some type of connection, when one felt the sadness of the other, they knew and would arrive with tears in their eyes and pain in their voices. They never talked about past arguments, feuds or anything that cause conflict. It was too much to think about the past when the present and future looked so bleak. Of course, the past caused this, but Michael couldn't help but think Luke could be his saviour just how Michael could be Luke's. The need to keep Luke safe was one of the reasons Michael was still alive by this point.

So when Michael was sat on the edge of his living room window, the wooden frame giving his hands splinters and cold air scathing his legs and a straight drop perfectly down to the car lights below, that was when Luke appeared, Michael unsure how he got into his house, but didn't speak as Luke sat beside, only a little further inside than Michael.

"You said once you were afraid of heights, hated having an apartment so high up," Luke murmured from where he was sat as Michael stared at the gray wasteland below his feet, half his mind on the conversation whilst the over half wandered to what would happen if he just slipped off the window ledge. Would Luke care? Would he try to save him? Since when had Michael been the one that needed saving.

Michael shrugged, looking into Luke's harsh blue eyes that were as dull as ever and Michael realised he must be just the same,"The only time I feel anything is when it's fear, the fear of heights. Maybe what I should be scared of the most is how little I feel now," Michael rambled, his brain yelling at him that Luke didn't give a fuck about his screwed up emotions, Michael regretting saying anything as soon as the words left his mouth.

Luke didn't reply, just shuffled around so he was sat beside Michael, his legs brushing Michael's as he swung his legs back and forth, into the free air and hitting the block of a building. Luke rested his head on Michael's shoulder and he gripped Mike's hand so hard Michael didn't think blood was getting to his finger tips anymore. It made him feel like he was there.

"Why do you stay with Calum?" Michael asked. He needed to know whether everything he'd been fighting for was worth it, if he should just give up on Luke, on everything he's done, on his whole existence. Michael's entire being was weighing on Luke, on Luke excepting Michael was right, on Luke not turning his back on Michael, on Luke not freezing up. LukeLukeLuke.

Somehow, Luke's grip on Michael's hand only grew stronger, blue veins appearing stark on wrist as he stared straight ahead, over rooftops and the skyline of the huge city which never noticed anything correctly. This city wasn't home to either of the boys, and both wanted to escape sometimes.

Luke picked his head off Michael's shoulder, using his slim fingers to turn Mike's head to face Luke, glassy blue eyes on dry green, both frowning and in deep thought, until green travelled back to the fall below and blue bore into his head. Luke was the one to break the silence, fingers still attached to Michael's chin,"When I was in my darkest space, Calum saved me. I depend on him, he's my life, the reason I'm not dead. I have to give something back, and that's my devotion."