La Douleur Exquise // Muke {Completed}

Je ne suis pas votre ami

Michael was broke. He was so broke he was selling any clothes or sellable junk on eBay just to make a little bit of money to get by with life. He was running on the edge of rent every month and he needed to get out there and take a job before he ended up getting kicked out for another late bill payed.

The only problem, on a good day Michael managed to maybe get out of bed, the apartment if he was feeling particularity good. On a bad day, he had no desire or need to move out of his bed. It seemed so much easier to just sit there and fade into the world than make a mark on it in anyway. His whole body felt heavy and useless, and it was starting to stress him out, but there was nothing he could do about it. He wanted to get up and run off the energy that was stuck inside him, but at the same time the idea of moving seemed impossible.

Michael didn't think he was depressed though. Just stuck in a never ending cycle of not wanting to move ever again. It wasn't serious and it wasn't like he felt depressed. A little numb, just watching the days waste away, but not depressed. How could he even be depressed anyway, he'd never felt that way before. He was in a state of denial and wasting it watching bad TV.

Michael wasn't expecting Ashton to arrive one day, Michael wasn't sure if it was morning or afternoon, maybe it was night. Any sense of time had escaped his mind. It was just another day like any other, the time wasn't effecting Michael in anyway anymore. He'd lost his ability to truly care.

"You look like shit," was the first thing Ashton said as he walked in, and it wasn't as if Michael hadn't noticed. His skin was greasy and hair limp, his eyes completely dull of any life. He had been meaning to shower for the past three days, it just hadn't happened, he hasn't managed to motivate himself to get up and do it.

Michael shrugged, shutting his laptop to look at Ashton, who opened the window to the bedroom, probably offended by the stagnant smell of the room that must've collected over time of Michael not moving,"You need to shower mate," he added, striding over to Michael's bed.

Michael shrugged, nodding slightly,"Fine, fine," he murmured, just about dragging himself out of bed and he can't remember when basic tasks became such a struggle to complete for him. He traipsed over to the bathroom, picking up clean clothes from a drawer, whilst Ashton watched him with sharp eyes. His mission was obviously going to be to try and get Michael's life back together. The problem is that Michael was sure it was going to take more than a day.

Michael was feeling lower than he ever had before. He realised that when he was crying for a reason he couldn't figure out in the shower. Tears mixed with the water that fell on his body and it was too hot, his mind melting away, breath stifled by the steam that filled every corner of the room.

It was the fact that Michael had fallen into this state so drastically, it made him doubt himself. Everyone had hard days, days when they didn't want to carry on, and surely Michael was no different. Apart from the fact it had been a couple of weeks and Michael couldn't see this ending soon.

Michael didn't feel better when he'd stepped out the shower and put clean clothes on. It was supposed to make him feel refreshed and generally less shitty, but he just felt as bad as ever, huge weights on his shoulders and a never ending headache that pulsed against his skull. He just wanted relief, something to make him forget this shit.

"Feeling better?" Ashton asked, and Michael nodded automatically. Ashton wouldn't understand how he was feeling. He'd always been happy and smiley and perfect and Michael was just his grumpy best friend who's always in the background, out shined by Ashton's amazingness.

Ashton grinned widely, just proving Michael's point on how annoyingly happy he was,"Good, I'm taking you out for dinner," he said, and Michael hasn't realised how late it was and how long he must've spent just stood silently thinking in the shower for it to get so late. Everything was flying past Michael.

Michael groaned quietly at the aspect of the outside world, of leaving his sanctuary that he'd been dwelling in for days, not having stepped out of it in that time at all. He'd cleaned out literally everything from his fridge, and a selfish part hoped Ashton had restocked him. He'd always been selfish with his friendship with Ashton, all take and no give. Michael felt like an annoyance on Ashton's side, who knows how much further he could've gone in life without Michael constantly there, lost and confused.

Ashton rambled on to Michael as they exited the apartment, the familiar walls disappearing as the door shut and was locked by Ashton, Michael having not even picked up his keys. Michael wasn't really listening to Ashton, everything being tuned out as they entered the elevator, four metal walls enclosing the two of them in.

Only seconds later and a floor lower and the doors opened again, and Michael didn't think much of it until he saw Luke step in, Calum following behind, and Michael just about kept in any reaction, keeping a stoic expression, just as Luke was as well. Calum, however, was glaring at Michael with immense disgust in his eyes and Michael couldn't help but shrink under his gaze. Ashton, of course was oblivious to this, and sadly recognised Luke.

"Luke, damn, how have you been?" He asked, being overly friendly as if the two of them were best buddies or something. They'd hardly spoken and Michael sometimes forgets that not everyone is like him and just pretends not to be there for the half a minute they have to endure in the elevator. Ashton had to talk to everyone and make an impression, and this was probably the worst time for it.

Luke looked down at Ashton, expression blank and Calum ripped his gaze off of Michael and turned it to Ashton,"I don't know you," Luke stated bluntly, his voice as dull as his eyes and his stance and everything about him was faded. Michael wondered if that was how he looked as well. Calum smiled at Luke's words, lips upturned and glinting into his eyes, and it only made Michael fear him more. Calum had control over Luke, commanded him in everything and Michael wondered if Luke was even able to function as a human being without Calum there to tell him who and who not to talk to and where to go and every function Luke went through, probably.

Ashton's smile fell and Michael felt relief wash over him as the doors opened to the lobby and Calum whisked Luke out before Ashton could say anything else. He then felt dread to where Calum and Luke were going, and he felt sadness to the fact he couldn't do anything about it.

"I don't see why you like that Luke guy so much," Ashton grumbled, but Michael just sighed, obviously not explaining it at all. That was for him and Luke to know, and hopefully the police eventually, once Michael could finally convince Luke to believe him, that what Calum was doing wasn't right. Michael had that one goal, one piece of light and he had to hold onto it.

Dinner with Ashton wasn't what either were expecting. Michael constantly zoned out and missed anything said to him and on the way back Ashton had yelled at him for sulking the whole time and Michael crawled into bed feeling shittier than ever before.

I too feel like shit and school is gross

I do however, have a new fic, it's called Some Minds and u should look at it its not too bad ngl (idek if I've mentioned it before tbh I'm sorry)

L8r sk8rs