Yin|Yang

28. I Hate It!

"You have a clue, and you are just telling me about it?" Yang Guang asked with a hint of resentment in his voice.

Yin An almost jumped into a sitting position, shaking his head, "I have just come across something, I am not sure if it is a clue yet."

The tall man nodded, not wanting to make his lover agitated, in fears of his attack relapsing. Then he pushed a stray thread of white hair off his face, asking "which book?"

"Magics of Trees."

Nodding, Yang Guang rushed to the book explosion on the floor and found the book in interest with his still shaking hands. With big steps, he returned to the bed and put the book on his lover's legs carefully.

Yin An traced the post-it he stuck on the corner of the relevant page, then he turned the book towards the anxious man, saying "here it is."

Yang Guang's hungry eyes moved on the page and his face lit up. He lifted the book so that he could scrutinise the black and white photo. There was a man standing in front of a huge maple tree while giving a thumbs up with a huge smile which was still visible under the shade of his safari hat. The quality of the picture was not giving too much detail, but the white-haired man was able to see that the colour of the certain maple tree seemed different from the others.

"It looks valid, did you check it?" Yang Guang almost chirped with excitement which was a big contrast to his usual cool demeanour.

Seeing his excitement, Yin An's eyes widened with shock before they cast down with sadness, and maybe a bit of embarrassment.

"What's wrong?" the white-haired man asked with confusion, but then a sudden realisation hit him, "don't tell me you didn't?!"

The black-haired man shook his head, biting his colourless lips. He looked up to his boyfriend's inquiring eyes for a second, then said "I was just... afraid."

"Of what?" Yang Guang asked softly, running his hand up and down on his lover's thin smooth arm.

Yin An sighed, "what if it is another failure?"

The hand paused for a millisecond as the tall man leaned forward to give a kiss to his anxious lover's head, "then we will continue looking."

Surpassing a sob, the small man nodded with unshed tears of appreciation. With his replenished energy, he left the bed to grab his laptop. Not bothering to go back to the bed, he slumped on the sofa and his fingers started to dance on the keyboard.

While Yin An was on it, Yang Guang fiddled around the bed in order to give him some space. However, when he heard the loud slam of the lid of the laptop with the equally loud "damn it!" exclamation, he rushed to the sofa.

"It is okay," he said as soon as he sat next to his lover, but the latter avoided him. He jumped on his feet and started to pace back and forward, his head in between his hands.

"I knew it... it knew it... I knew it..."

Not knowing how to react, Yang Guang froze on his seat, watching his lover with sad eyes.

"It's over... I knew it..." Yin An kept ranting, his breath getting laborious with each sentence leaving his mouth, "a cursed child..."

Hearing the taboo word, the dazed man's soul came back to his body. Jumping on his legs, he grabbed his lover's arms and pulled him into his arms forcefully, "stop saying it! We will find a-"

"LEAVE ME ALONE! GO AWAY!" Yin An struggled in the strong arms to save himself.

Although startled with his sudden outburst, Yang Guang managed to keep him in his embrace. Pressing his resisting head on his own chest, he kept repeating "it is okay, we will find it... I promise."

Normally, his boyfriend's arms would be enough to calm Yin An, let alone his sweet words; but this time, he was deaf to Yang Guang. After struggling and failing constantly, the last straw finally broke and his mind went into a frenzy. He felt all patience and hope left his body, and he wanted to stop. He just wanted to disappear... to finish everything... He was tired. So tired. He wanted to end everything. He was wronged by that cruel fate and now he was doing wrong to Yang Guang by dragging him into this never-ending disappointment. He ruined his peaceful life. He kept saying he was his fated person, but all he offered was disappointment while he exploited his lover's powers. First his mother and now his lover... He hated it. He hated his fate. He hated the world. He hated himself.

With the blinding feeling of undeservedness, the more he was hugged, the more he struggled.

Well, until he had another attack and went unconscious in his panicking lover's arms.