Birdsong wakes me up. I painfully open my eyes and sigh. It's Monday and school's starting again. I've spent the weekend in complete silence and James hasn't looked at me once. If William hadn't been there on Friday, at the party, I'd probably have ended up pretty banged up... again. The words he said in my ear in the bathroom are still in my head. But I have to try to forget them. "I love being with you, Louis."
I get up and am relieved to see that James is still asleep. I dress simply in navy blue suit pants, a white shirt, tie and sweater. I quickly head for the bathroom. My reflection is already a little better. The bruises are starting to fade a little. In the mirror, I can't help but stare at the wall behind me. The wall William was leaning against. The one against which we were so close.
I remember his singular, enchanting scent. His hand against my arm, his heart beating at a steady pace. My eyes wander across the room to this place that now feels empty. The place where William took me in his arms. The same place where he said those words. The same place where, just before he left, I caught a glimpse of hope in his green irises. His face was so close to mine. His breath was short and his hands trembling. What would have happened if my sister hadn't knocked on the door that night?
William had sighed and run a hand through his hair, looking away. He had cleared his throat before hesitating to stay a while. He'd met my gaze and pulled back a little further. Then, quickly, when my sister had knocked on the door again, he'd whispered "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have done that... it wasn't right". I remember I frowned. As I moved closer to him, I noticed that his eyes were misty. Then, at last, he'd gone, leaving me alone.
I remember perfectly the look he had on me before my sister knocked on that door. Maybe he was hoping I'd say something, that I'd encourage him. I don't know. Who knows what would have really happened...
I look at my face in the mirror. My eyes are foggy... I take a deep breath and descend the stairs and head straight for the kitchen. The smell of pastry fills my nostrils and I inhale. I sit down on one of the six chairs surrounding the rectangular table in the center of the room. I hear the stairs creak, then see Anna arrive in her pajamas. She sits down opposite me, apparently still asleep.
-Good morning, Anna.
-Oh, hi! Good morning Louis! Did you sleep well? She says, confused.
-Yes, I did.
-Would you like anything in particular?
-Anything at all.
-Okay! I'll make you something.
She gets up and goes to the fridge to take out a carton of milk, which she places on the counter just behind me. There, she prepares two hot chocolates. As the bowls heat up, she comes to my side, legs crossed.
-William told me what happened on Friday... with James. I'm so sorry.
-It wasn't your fault.
-But he's my brother. And I feel responsible for what he did to you. Ever since you got here, he's changed completely. William can tell you. He's become aggressive and violent. I don't understand why.
-Because I came into your lives...
-But you didn't ask for it, Louis! Neither did your sister. You're here because your mother asked you to be. Isn't that right?
I nod weakly before running a hand through my hair. The microwave rings and Anna gets up to fetch the two bowls. The room is silent as we eat our breakfast. She talked to William this weekend... about me. My heart races. Did he tell her what happened next? Once James was gone? I sigh. When I meet her gaze, she smiles weakly. I get up and quickly go to the bathroom to brush my teeth. After one last look in the mirror, I leave the house.
