I open my eyes slowly and close them again almost immediately, almost dazzled by the twilight of the setting sun. I turn my head to William, beside me. We're in the boarding school courtyard, lying on the cool grass. I open my eyes to William's calm, soothed face. His eyes are closed and his breathing is regular. He's asleep. I turn on my side, leaning on my right arm, and admire him for a moment.
I don't guide any of my movements, I don't guide my fingers, which are already creeping towards him. I don't control the beating of my heart as my fingers touch the cool skin on his forehead. Nor can I control the descent of my finger along his nose, tracing every inch of his angelic face. Nor can I control my face as it moves closer to his, stopping just inches from his lips.
-Lou?
I pull away when I meet William's still-asleep gaze. I look away. I'm ashamed. Ashamed to have looked at him without his knowledge. Ashamed of having touched him without his knowledge. I shouldn't have.
Yet I don't move when he takes my hand and places it on his chest, exactly where his heart is.
-Close your eyes. He whispers. What do you feel?
I close my eyes and concentrate on the vibrations in the palm of my hand. I can feel his heartbeat in his ribcage, the blood rushing through his arteries. I can feel, as I concentrate, the regularity of his heartbeat.
-I feel every movement of your heart... Every movement that keeps you alive. I whisper.
I hear him sigh a little, then he removes my hand from his chest. Soon, he's no longer holding my hand. I open my eyes, probably afraid I've scared him away. But instead, he looks up at me, a gorgeous smile on his face, flashing dimples that crack me up.
His green eyes scan my face until they settle on my half-open lips. I move imperceptibly closer to him until I feel his warm, uneven breath against my mouth. I stay like this for a while, a teasing smile on my face. He looks at me and sighs before raising an eyebrow.
-Are you going to kiss me or not?
I smile teasingly and look thoughtful. Then I run my hand over his cheek, tracing his cheekbones. My fingers go down to his chin.
-Yes. I answer.
My voice is hoarse. I've never sounded like this.
-Yes? He says, pretending to be impatient, his lips only inches from mine.
I feel his breath on my face and see the gleam of envy in his sparkling eyes. I approach him again, little by little, then my lips finally meet his, shyly. He gasps and my fingers come to rest naturally on his neck. Our lips open and close to the rhythm of our kisses. Our mouths fit together perfectly. As our lips move apart, William runs his hand through my hair and rests his forehead against mine. I gasp. My heart is racing, but I feel fine. For the first time, I finally feel like myself.
-I guess now... it's us against the world. He whispers.
I meet his gaze and a faint smile appears on his face. He has no regrets. Nor do I.
-I'm ready to face anything. I whisper. As long as it's with you....
-Now I can never let you go.
-Do you promise?
He frowns and plays with my blond curls on my neck.
-I promise.
He straightens his head a little and his soft lips come to rest on my forehead. He places kisses in several places on my forehead. Then he runs his hand over my cheeks and kisses my nose. I gasp. William puts his hand on my shoulder and makes me lie down on the floor again. On my back.
-Close your eyes. He says
My eyelids stay open for a moment, my eyes planted in his. I think I'm liking his green eyes more and more. He caresses my cheek with his long, slender fingers.
-Close your eyes. He repeats.
This time I do. My eyelids close and my world darkens before going totally black. I feel William's fingers in the hollow of my cheeks. Then his breath comes closer and closer. When his lips finally meet mine, it's the apocalypse. My heart feels like it's going to explode in my chest. My lower abdomen twists, gripped by a sensation I've never experienced before. Love.
This kiss is different from the others. The first two were softer, more timid. This one is different, and my senses show me a different side. My eyes are closed... and when his lips closed on mine, it wasn't the same as before. Sight has disappeared, leaving me with touch, smell, taste and hearing. And now everything is different. Even the rapid, irregular beating of my heart is unlike anything I've felt before.
With touch, I can perfectly feel the softness of his lips on mine and William's tenderness in this kiss. With my sense of smell, I can smell his perfume, which has become familiar over the weeks. With taste, I discover yet another aspect of William. And with my sense of hearing... everything is even more beautiful. When my eyes weren't completely closed, I couldn't hear him... But now I can enjoy every sound William makes without realizing it. With every inhalation and exhalation he takes. Of every breath that washes away, smothered by our kiss. Of his tiny moans, which he tries to cover, but I can still hear.
My heart is racing... The sensation he gives me is exceptional. I'm afraid that as soon as I leave here tonight, nothing will ever be the same again. I'm afraid that the ease we have right now will be lost on my way home. But all my doubts vanish when William's lips pull away from mine and finally come to rest on my neck. It's my turn to sigh and to let out a few weak gasps. The shiver that runs through my body does me good though.
William pulls away from me and runs a hand through my hair. I open my eyes and look directly into his. The green of his eyes seems even brighter, illuminated by the twilight orange of the sky perfectly reflected in his irises. He smiles before lying down next to me. His belly lifts faster than usual and so does mine. I turn my head towards him and take his hand. Our fingers link immediately.
-Will...
He turns his head and looks at me blankly. I take his hand and bring it to my heart.
-What do you feel? I whisper.
He smiles faintly before coming closer to me and resting his head on my chest, his ear level with my heart. He places his hand on my belly and the sensation makes me close my eyes for a moment.
-Your heartbeat is fast and irregular. He whispers.
I smile and run my hand through his brown curls.
-It's because of you, you know?
He straightens his head a little to meet my gaze, then smiles weakly.
-It's not a competition, but mine beats even stronger...
He looks at me with his playful smile and I roll my eyes and sigh. Then, when our eyes meet again, we both burst out laughing at the same time.
