I struggle to open my eyes when I feel a hand on my thigh. We're on the train to Paris. William and I. Just the two of us. It's been a while since he suggested we go to Paris to admire the magnificent statues in the museums. I've been living with him for over six months now. Our school year is over, and we've settled into a small flat in London, not far from the city center. We never spoke to James again. He came to apologize for his behavior a few weeks ago. William hasn't forgiven him. Anna has always supported us in the face of her brother, while my sister just thinks I've moved into a flat with my best friend... She could never imagine...
William and I are closer than ever. He had several interviews for architecture school and was finally accepted. But his dream is to make a living from his passion. The piano. He's been composing a lot lately. He says that every melody is inspired by me. That each separate note is worthless, but together they write a story. Our story.
-We're almost there. He whispers
I smile. I've never been as happy as I've been these last few months. William is my compass, my North Star, my whole universe. My life until I met him was one of survival. With William at my side, I can finally live. He has shown me that life is worth living. He showed me that I was important and special to him, and he proved his love to me time and time again. Today, when I look back at the Louis I was a year ago, I smile. I felt so much pain back then. I could only think of one thing. End my days. I thought that leaving this world would be the best thing to do. But today, thanks to William, I realize that living is the most beautiful thing in this world. We have to seize this gift that we are born with and make the most of it. Life is worth living. We deserve to be happy. William told me one day as we were both lying on the grass in the spring sunshine that we both had two lives. That the second began when we realized that we only had one and that we had to live it, and that we had to die a few times before we could really live.
Once we arrived in Paris, we put our things down in our hotel room, and William guided me around the city as if he knew it by heart. We walk through the streets, surrounded by tourists and Parisians, all smiling. At the end of one street, as night began to fall on the capital, I stopped. The Eiffel Tower is there... motionless and immense. Majestic. The lights dotting it from top to bottom dazzle me. I'm speechless before the beauty of this tower. What people say is true. Paris is the city of love. The Eiffel Tower is something you have to see at least once in your life.
My heart races as I feel William entwine his fingers with mine. I have tears in my eyes when I meet his blazing gaze. We walk hand in hand through the almost deserted streets to the Queen of Paris. We climbed the stairs to the top. There, I feel like the king of the world. To dominate everything. Everything looks so small and insignificant from up here... I suddenly feel lighter. It's as if I'd left all my problems at the bottom and knew I'd never find them again. I like places that make you realize how tiny you and your problems are. This feeling of being free. Finally...
William comes up behind me and presses his torso against my back, resting his head on my shoulder. He lets his fingers run gently down my arms to my frozen hands. I close my eyes when I feel his soft lips on the skin of my neck. He leaves several kisses there before blowing out a breath and putting his arms around my waist.
-Thank you... I whisper. Thank you for loving me for who I am.
-Thank you for accepting my help when you arrived... You know... as soon as we're apart, your body comes back to me in my dreams. I see you in my sleep, the hollow of your waist, the little freckle on your hip, and when I wake up, I feel like I've spent the night with you... Sometimes I can still feel the ghostly caress of your fingers on my neck, so fresh, as if I hadn't just imagined it... The nagging sensation of your skin against mine hurts every bone in my body... For a moment, if I hold my breath, I can be there with you, in a dream, in thousands of different rooms, and nowhere at the same time. But today I just want to enjoy the time we have together. I want to enjoy what the world has given me.
-What's that? I ask, turning to him
-You. Fate put you in my path because it knew I needed you. It hasn't been easy and it probably never will be because we can't be free, but I want you to know that I love you more than anything else in the world. Because you are my whole world. My universe. My own little constellation. You're the best thing that ever happened to me. You're everything I needed, everything I wanted without even knowing it.
-You know... meeting you was like listening to a music or song for the first time and knowing it would be my favorite. The first time I saw you, my heart told me you were the one. And you loved me at my darkest...
He held me in his arms so close I could hear his steady heartbeat.
-I love you. He said. I love you so much Louis. You will never be unloved by me, you are too well tangled in my soul.
And in that whisper, I heard the roar of a thousand promises.
-Please keep talking. I said. I love the sound of your voice.
He giggles and kisses my forehead before looking at the moon.
-The moon knows, you know... He murmurs.
-What?
-The moon knows we're in love... And I promise you won't ever be alone. You have me. Until every last star in the galaxy dies, you have me.
I feel my heart beating fast in my chest... so fast that I wonder if it's going to explode. I feel a pleasant sensation in my stomach, a warm sensation. What William is making me feel is inexplicable. His words resonate inside me and every time he expresses his love for me, I can't believe he's real. That he really exists and that he loves me... I've always thought it impossible to be loved by someone and to love someone the way I love him. It's an incredible feeling...
-You know Will, I broke my rules for you... I say. I made myself promise that I would never fall in love. With anyone. And then you came into my life... and once you posed your magnificent green eyes on me, I knew there was no going back. I understood that I fell in love with the most unexpected person at the most unexpected time. In the middle of my chaos, there was you.
