meet me at midnight.

20.

I woke up at half one in the morning, jarred awake by a bad dream. My lips trembled and I lay there for a few minutes, staring at the ceiling. Shadows danced across it and the pipes creaked. It felt strange to be asleep in mom's old room. My eyes went to the hole in the plaster. Had it been Austin that had caused it, or was it Lionel?

My dream, or rather, my nightmare had been about mom again. I saw everything through her eyes, saw my own death at the hands of Austin. I took another shaky breath. I angled my head to look at Josh. He was asleep and I couldn't bear to wake him. He was working this Sunday and even though it was two days away, I didn't want to be the cause of him losing sleep.

I got up and slipped out of bed, making my way out of the bedroom and downstairs, careful to avoid the creaky floorboards outside my old room. I wandered into the lounge and walked towards the boxes from the attic.

I sat in front of the one Zara had opened. I dug through it, pulling out photo albums filled with pictures of mom, dad and I. There were photos of Nana and some of her late husband. I flicked through the album, stopping when I saw mom's wedding photo with Lionel. My eyes went to the image of myself next to them, wearing a lilac bridesmaid dress.

I shut the album and kept digging through the box, removing a few more items until my hand grasped a small box. I pulled it out and stared at it. It was a satin, lilac box. I opened it, not expecting anything, but feeling a little surprised when I saw mom's old engagement ring.

She'd been buried wearing her wedding ring from dad, and the one from Lionel. I slid the ring out of its confines and slipped it onto my ring finger. It was a little big. Mom's fingers were slender, but she had slightly bigger hands than me. I held my hand up, staring at the ring on my finger. It was an oval shaped diamond, colored lilac as well. Mom had always been fond of the color.

I took it off and put it back in its box. I wasn't sure what to do with it so I put the box on the coffee table. I'd think about what to do with it in the morning. I sighed and shifted to stand up, pacing on the spot once I was up.

I could go back to bed. I wanted to, but I knew I was still panicking. I could wake Josh, but I didn't want to disturb him. When you're awake and panicking, it feels like you're the only person in the world that's awake.

I went into the kitchen and got a glass of water, drinking it whilst staring out the window. The same window I'd watched Lionel burn my dresses from. The only thing that looked back at me now was my reflection.

I set the glass down and went to the backdoor, unlocking it and sliding it open. I sat on the chair and watched as the breeze blew through the grass. It felt wrong to be happy, especially without mom here. I wondered if she was up in heaven, wherever that was, dancing with dad.

The breeze whispered across the lawn, biting at my bare skin and raising goosebumps along my legs. I curled into the chair more. My staring contest with the grass was interrupted by something soft going around my shoulders. I tilted my head to find Josh standing behind me. He'd wrapped the throw from the couch around me.

"I-i woke you." I said.

"I turned over to hug you and you were gone, little mouse." He said.

"Had a bad dream." I whispered.

He tapped my shoulder and I got up from the chair. He sat down, pulling me onto his lap. I nestled my head on his shoulder.

"You could have woke me." He said.

"Didn't want to disturb you." I said.

"An argument could be made that you disturbed me the moment you wandered off at midnight." Josh said.