Wines And Guns

9.

Porsche had tried his best to kick Kinn out of the house. But he like always had convinced to let him stay. So now he was sitting inside the living room sofa and Kinn outside. He had managed to keep Kinn from entering inside. He said that he wanted to be alone but that too was bothering him. He wanted to go upstairs and sleep but he couldn't just leave Kinn sitting alone outside. He couldn't call him in either. He had Kinn knocking on the main door a few minutes later.

"I'm not letting you in!"

"Okay okay! I just want to give you your wallet and phone. You forgot to take those when you left".

Instead of opening the door completely Porsche opened just enough to stick his hand out.

"Common! Give them to me quick!"

"What are you doing that for? It's not like I'll break inside or anything".

"I'm doing this for you. You said you didn't want to see my face anymore".

Kinn took in a deep breath when he heard that. He gently passed on the phone and wallet into Porsche's hand.

"I'll check up on you tomorrow".

"Don't. No need to. Don't pretend to give a damn".

"I'm not pretending but it's okay."

Porsche could hear him walk away and then close the main gate before leaving. It was always a sinking feeling to hear Kinn walk away from him. Especially in this situation. Whenever something went wrong he always had Kinn for comfort but now he had nothing and no one to go to. He should've brought that diary with him.

He rinsed his face with cold water and looked up to the mirror. Kinn had said that he never wanted to see him anymore. He had spent the last year of his life dedicating it to Kinn. And he wanted to do that for the rest of his life too. Everytime they were in a meeting or a party he could feel the judgemental looks on him. The slow laughs and taunts. The people of influential families and high societies could never see why someone as rich and powerful like Kinn would intentionally choose to be with someone like Porsche when he could have anyone a thousand times better. Among all the rich and beautiful men why Porsche? He was sure Kinn could hear those gossips too. He had wondered about what will he do if Kinn abandoned him. Where would he go? What will he explain to everyone else? Kinn will lose nothing. He could always find someone who deserved him far more than Porsche. He could always replace Porsche like he had done before. In that forest Kinn had apologized and regretted for all the things he did wrong with Porsche but he never got an apology from Porsche for leaving him. He couldn't think of staying as Minor Family's head if Kinn leaves him. Then that would also mean that Porchay would be forced to go back to the stressful lifestyle where he would worry about not getting meals each day. He knew that Chay was working hard to get an internship. Maybe he would try to apply for his old job at the bar again. He would have to stay in touch with Main Family for his mother's sake. He couldn't support her completely if cut ties with Main Family.

The sudden realisation hit him that how easily he could think of the aftermath as if he had always expected this to happen. Every instance he felt insecure he had Kinn to assure him that all was good. But none of those taunts and looks had ever made him feel so cheap and low before. As if he meant nothing. It felt like his heart was crushed inside his chest. Within span of seconds he felt worthless. He only wanted Kinn to be okay. To be happy. He could never afford the expensive gifts Kinn gave him. He could only try to keep him happy in every small way he could. That's why he had wanted to make sure that Kinn's birthday would be perfect, he wanted to be by Kinn's side whenever he felt distressed. He wasn't there for him when Korn faked his death. Kinn had to take it in all alone. He had left him when Kinn needed him the most. And now he was all alone and deservingly so. He wiped down his own tears. It was pathetic how easily he could cry these days. Previously he faced everything quietly. How could he handle all the pressure of buisness if he couldn't handle his own emotions.