Wines And Guns

15.

"How was your day?"

Chay slowly kept his bag down before he went over to hug Porsche.

"It was fine. Are you okay now? I haven't seen you in 2 days."

"Sorry about that. I was really caught up in work. How are you holding up?"

"It's all good. Are you sure you're okay! You look a little tired. Also what did you want to talk about?"

Porchay sat beside Porsche.

"I'm fine I promise. You tell me how's work?"

Porsche softly pulled his brother close. He had missed these moments so much.

"It's good too. I was a little confused at first but I'm holding up well now. What was it that you wanted to talk about? Is everything okay?"

"Chay... I spoke with Kinn and Tankhun. Please be honest with me. You work in a restaurant right? Why would not tell me that?"

Porchay looked away. He knew that this had to come out sooner or later. He was feeling immense guilt for lying to his brother all this time. He never meant to betray Porsche's feelings like that.

"Porchay? Please talk to me. We can also discuss this later if you want".

"No... I'm sorry. I'm really sorry. I didn't mean to lie to you like that. I'm so sorry."

"Chay look at me. I know you didn't mean anything wrong. I'm just worried for you. I'm unable to look after you properly. Please tell me if you're troubled about anything. Why would you take up this job? I know how passionate you've always been about music".

"I just wanted to do something productive. Something that made me feel like I wasn't just sitting home depending on you for everything. I wanted to have something of my own. I was scared that you'll get worried if you knew that I was pausing my music career for a bit. I didn't want you to feel like you neglected me. I know you've a lot going on".

"No amounts of work will ever be more important than you. I've lived my life hoping to be able to give you the life you want and deserve."

"I know. You saved up every little extra money you had to buy chocolates and toys for me when we were younger. You went out for walks or did school work while I ate so that I'll always have enough food. You stayed up late every night even when you had school or work the next day to look after me whenever I fell sick".

Porchay wiped his tears. He had always to tell his brother how thankful he was. But he didn't expect to do this in these circumstances.

"I just wanted you to feel proud of me. You took up this job just to make sure I get a good life. I messed up big time. I know you always dreamt of me getting into University. You only wanted that one thing from me. I failed to do that."

Porchay began feeling worse now. Since when had Kim started mattering more than his brother in his life? His brother was the one who had raised and loved him all these years.

"Chay who do you think I did all that for? I did everything because I love you. All these years you were my motivation to live on and work harder. You were my only family my only hope. I only wanted you to get into the University because I thought that was your dream. I never wanted you to burden yourself. No matter whatever you do in life I'll be proud of you and love you."

Porchay hugged his brother, crying into his arms.

"I'm so sorry for lying to you".

"That's fine. Always remember that I'll be by your side no matter. It's okay Chay. I'm so proud of you".

Kinn came inside the room.

"Hey. How are you both?"

Porchay got up to hug him as well. Kinn smiled as he hugged back the kid.

"Are you okay?"

Porchay nodded.

"You must be tired go and eat something."

Kinn took a seat beside Porsche. He placed his hand on Porsche's back and rubbed it gently.

"Are you okay? Did you talk to him properly?"

"I did. I'm so glad he told you before he told me. He was under so much pressure to live upto expectations and do well. You're the only one who could understand him properly in this".

"That's not true. You've spent your own life working hard as well. And you're doing it right now too."

"I wanted him to never go through what I did. I didn't want him to feel the absence of parents. I didn't want him to feel like he was different from the other kids. I know those things hurt a lot. Especially when you feel all alone. I couldn't realise the pressure I was putting him through. He was preparing all by himself while I was away. He got kidnapped. He had to adjust to a completely new life. He found out that Ma was alive. He spent his life in absence of her love thinking she was dead. It must've felt like a huge burden on him."

"You know Porsche... When I first joined the buisness I wasn't doing great either. It was like all of a sudden I had to be a different person all together. Everything that I was had to go. I had to start from the scratch again. It was probably foolish of me but I had my entire life planned in a certain way and this was completely different. I couldn't recognise my own self anymore. People started leaving me one by one. I grew bitter each passing day. I started lashing out at my own family. I still despise the way I treated Mama during that time."

Porsche noticed the distant look in Kinn's eyes. He was in a different time.

"I never had secrets from Mama. But during that time I started keeping things to myself even when Mama tried to help me. I didn't want to complaint constantly and let everyone down. During that time it felt easier to open up to strangers than people I was close with. My family was understanding of what I was feeling. But my then friends were tired of my bickering. That was when Tawan had started growing distant as well. I felt like I was losing everything I loved."

Kinn smiled sadly at Porsche.

"It's always hard to settle down into something new. Even that time I knew how much my family loved me. Their love only motivated me more. Chay loved you a lot. You're his inspiration, his family, his world. This time might be tough but you'll see that we'll get through this soon."

He took up Porsche's hand to kiss his knuckles.