Wines And Guns

69.

Standing infront of the bathroom mirror felt strange. It was like he couldn't recognise himself in the mirror. After the breakdown he had the previous night he was feeling absolutely empty from within. Other than that all there was left for him was sorrow. But who could he blame? He had brought that upon himself. Whenever Porsche held him... It felt like there was some hope left. As if he was in a warm and safe place away from all worries and troubles. But everytime he was left by himself it was like his heart was tearing itself apart.

It didn't matter if he was able to stay with Porsche or not he knew two things for sure, he couldn't take his own life and that he had stay clean no matter what. He couldn't let anyone else carry the burden of his death, he knew how it felt. The bruise on his face wasn't much red anymore but it was clearly visible and still hurt. There were scraps on his neck and shoulder and marks where Khwan had pressed down. It felt like...

"Kinn?"

"Yeah?"

"I've got you some clothes. I'm keep them here outside. Come down after you change for breakfast".

Porsche's voice always had a calming effect on him. Even if it lasted only for a few seconds, it made him feel a sense of warmth and relief. He had to do this. If not for himself then for Porsche. His Porsche.

*

He walked slower than usual. He just couldn't handle any form of loud noises anymore. It was common whenever he felt down, any type of loud noise freaked him out. Porsche was arranging the table with Porchay. He looked up at him for a brief moment and then went back to continue what he was doing.

"Hey Kinn- what happened to your face? Are you okay?"

Porsche gave him a worried glace as soon as he was questioned by Porchay. It was only normal, nobody excepted to see a person so bruised up for no reason.

"We met at the bar yesterday. I was too drunk and I slipped. Porsche brought me home after that".

The lack of energy in his voice was too clear.

"I see. How do you feel now?"

"Better".

He was mostly distracted during the entire time.

"Here try this".

He turned to Porsche holding a spoonful of something near his mouth. He didn't bother asking what it was and just ate it. After they were done eating Porsche started clearing out the table with Porchay while he sat alone on the couch.

"Hia how are you feeling?"

"I'm good. Why would you ask that?"

"Don't mind but... I know things haven't been easy between you and Kinn lately. And now...

"I guess sometimes it's important to stay away for a while to figure out how you really feel. I was very overwhelmed and hurt there. But spending my time away here made me realise how much I truly missed him".

"I just want you to be happy".

"I am happy. I have you and I have him. There's nothing more I want".

*

It felt like he had spent the entire day doing absolutely nothing. Porsche had taken a day off from work and was doing every chore around the house. He was fast and efficient in everything due to years of experience while he was just of no help. He knew that Porsche genuinely cared about him, he cared for everyone. But he couldn't handle being a burden to someone whom he loved so much.

But when he tried to help he realised that he couldn't even get the simplest of tasks done. He felt like he had no energy to lift even a plate. Moving around too much made him tired and he zoned out easily.