Wines And Guns

18.

The room was all quiet now except the faint sound from the air conditioner. Porsche could hear and feel Kinn's soft breathing by his ear. He had his back facing Kinn who had his hand wrapped around him. The gentleness was like a balm for his previous anxiety. He was still feeling very nervous.

"Kinn... Are you awake?"

Kinn moved slowly as he pulled him closer.

"Mmm yes".

"Did I just wake you?"

"No you didn't. You can't sleep either?"

Porsche turned to face Kinn. He pulled him into a hug while tucking his face into Kinn's neck who was caressing the back of his head.

"Why can't you sleep? Are you thinking of something?"

"Yes. I meant to ask you something."

"What is it?"

Porsche wasn't sure how to say it. He didn't want to disturb the peace they were having but he had the unbearable urge to say it out loud.

"If... Something were to happen to me will you please look after Chay?"

He felt Kinn go still and tense. Kinn got up on one elbow to look over at Porsche.

"What do you mean? What will happen to you?"

Porsche took Kinn's hand in his own.

"You know how unpredictable everything can be. Chay doesn't have anyone except me. Ma doesn't remember him at all. He was just a baby when she last saw him. He's been very alone in all this. He opened up and trusted you even when he couldn't talk with me. So if anything happens will you please atleast stay in touch with him? He's never had any family other than me and if I'm gone he'll have no one".

Kinn looked devastated at his words.

"Nothing will happen to you. As long as I'm here nothing will happen to you."

Porsche squeezed his hand.

"Kinn please...."

Kinn seemed hesitant to answer as if he didn't even want to imagine anything like that ever happen.

"Of course I will. He's not just YOUR brother".

Porsche felt a lump in his throat.

"Thank you Kinn..."

"Why are you thanking me? What's wrong Porsche? Talk to me."

"Nothing I just wanted to discuss this with you".

Kinn placed a hand on his forehead.

"There is definitely something. What happened?"

"Nothing's wrong. I promise. I know you'll always be there for me."

"Why would you say this all of a sudden?"

"It's.... nothing".

"I'm worried for you Porsche."

"I've always thought about what would happen to Chay if I'm not around anymore. I want him to have someone for him."

"He's not alone. You're there. I'm there."

"I know."

He slowly got up to pull Kinn into a hug.

"I'm so happy to have you in my life. I'm so happy Chay has you in his life".

"You are my life".

The shallow nervousness remained within him as he slept with Kinn's hand covering his eyes to make sure he sleeps. Kinn's hands always felt colder than his own. Kinn often covered his eyes while they slept which was comforting in a way. It made him feel secure. It kept him aware of Kinn's presence.