Wines And Guns

19.

Porsche sat alone in his office smoking a cigarette. He had decided to quit since long so relapsing made him feel worse. That conversation with Khwan had shaken him up. He had no reason to believe that man. Kinn despised him. He didn't even know anything in detail about him except his past employment under Khun Korn and his desire to marry Kinn's mother. This was all so strange and confusing. No matter how much he tried to convince himself that Khwan was just trying to play mind games and lying to him something about that man just couldn't let him completely dismiss his words. Kinn had told him that Tawan had rejected his proposal, possibly for Vegas then how could Kinn go against his family to marry Tawan? Everyone told him that Kinn had shot Tawan after finding out about his betrayal then why would Kinn let him go? Tawan wasn't dead even when Porsche thought he was. All this confusion and thoughts had him completely down. He had to tell Kinn about his interaction with Khwan but he couldn't understand the internal hesitation he felt while thinking of doing so. Kinn was the man who loved him. He couldn't hide things from Kinn just like that. He decided to tell Kinn everything no matter how nervous he felt. If possible maybe he could have some of his queries solved that way. He spent the afternoon beside his mother. As always she was looking at anything but him completely silent. Porsche was the one who always did all the talking in these moments. He went on to tell her about all the things from his childhood when they were together in hopes of her ever getting a spark of memory back and recognising him. Though it seemed impossible he was quite determined to have his mother back.

"Ma remember you used to teach me how to draw everyday. It was my most favourite activity to do with you. You used to take so many pictures of me drawing as a baby. All I did was spill colours everywhere. I kind of completely forgot about that hobby after you were gone."

He pulled out the old sketchbook from his childhood.

"Look at this ma. You drew all these for me. Hibiscus, roses, vase, sunset and a pheonix. It was our favourite things ever to draw together."

Namphueng turned to look at the sketchbook at the mention of the pheonix. She took the sketchbook from his hands. She traced her fingers across the page as if trying to remember something. She slowly went through all the pages observing every drawing thoughtfully. She turned to look at Porsche who was quite surprised at the sudden response from his mother. She slowly raised her left hand and placed it on his cheek caressing gently. She was trying to say something but couldn't get any words out. Porsche placed his hand on top of hers. He wasn't expecting this.

"Ma. Do you remember?"

He got down from the bed to sit near her feet.

"Ma do you remember me?"

Namphueng placed her hand on top his head. Her eyes had a conflicted look in them.

"You.... You are...."

She had never spoken to him before.

"Yes ma. Please... Do you remember me?"

Namphueng pulled her hand back. She had tears in her eyes as she stood up and walked out.

*

"She recognised me! Atleast that's what I felt. She spoke to me for the first time ever. She definitely was trying. I think she's improving."

Kinn smiled at Porsche's excitement. He moved to kiss his forehead.

"That's the best news ever. According to Papa this is the biggest sign of recovery she has shown in years."

"If everything goes well then maybe she'll slowly start to remember everything."

"If you stay by her side then I'm sure she'll soon start to remember things quicker".

Porsche rested his head on Kinn's shoulder.

"I'm so relieved to see Ma recovering."

Kinn placed his hand around his shoulder.

"The medicines barely helped her all these years. Your presence is what's helping her. If you want you can take some time off to be by your side".

"I'll think about it."

"I'm going to clean some things along with Khun. You wanna come?"

"Clean? Why do you need to do that?"

"It's mostly personal stuff so we decided to go through it ourselves. We have to throw it out anyway".

"I'm definitely coming with you. I'd love to snoop through Khun Kinn's stuff. Maybe I'll find something worth to tease you".

Kinn laughed.

"I have no embarrassing stuff."

"We'll see about that."

*

"I thought it'll be easier to go through these stuff but I want to keep everything!"

"You can't keep everything Khun. You already have lot of new clothes and shoes".

"You waste too much!"

"Khun Kinn probably plans to buy 7 more velvety pants"

"Porsche!"

There were cartons scattered everywhere with barely any place left to move.

"This is seriously a lot of stuff."

"This is my stuff over last 10 years. And probably Khun's last week's".

"You have to keep yourself updated over time!"

Just then one of Khun Korn's bodyguard's walked inside almost stumbling upon one of the cartons.

"Khun Korn has called for you Khun Kinn".

"Porsche I'll go and see Papa. Would you please go through the boxes till then?"

"Are you sure? Isn't there something you'd want to keep?"

"Not really. They're taking up a lot of space. You can keep anything you want to or throw away."

Porsche started rummaging through Kinn's boxes. There were old clothes, cassettes, video tapes etc.

"I'm keeping some of these shirts. They're still in great condition."

"You can buy new and better ones! The old ones probably smell!"

"But they smell like Kinn".

"Okay... That's actually sweet."

Porsche smiled as he continued to pull out things and inspect them closely. He went over to another box. This one had several letters and diaries. Porsche picked up to check what they were. Those were handwritten letters by Tawan. Some were by Kinn. There was tons of them. In between the letters Porsche found a diary.

"Khun I'll be back in a minute okay?"

"You're bored already without your boyfriend? Go ahead!"

Porsche got up and left that room.

Kinn and Tawan had shared their thoughts with each other in the diary. It was just like how Kinn had wrote him one. Except in this they were madly in love and exchanging sweet words. It was so unlike Kinn to write such cheesy and adorable letters. Khwan was right. Kinn was no longer the same person he used to be. Each of Kinn's messages were so filled with love and hope. Porsche found a picture tucked at the end of the diary. It was a picture of Kinn and Tawan kissing and holding hands. There were rings on their fingers. That meant that Tawan did accept Kinn's proposal. Porsche kept the photo back where it was. He went through the messages again. He wiped the drop of tears that fell on the pages. He still had a smile while reading Kinn's messages. The same thought kept repeating in his mind over and over again. If only Tawan wouldn't have betrayed Kinn. Kinn had found love in his long relationship and wanted to make of it official. He had to face a horrible heartbreak. He knew Porsche only over a year. Porsche had thought about spending the rest of his life with Kinn. Kinn didn't trust him enough to do that. He rolled his sleeves up. Kinn's words echoed through his mind as he saw those scars. He wondered how many more he'd get overtime.