Wines And Guns

67.

Porsche knew that Porchay was in his room so he tried his best to not be too loud but it hurt too much. That letter and those pictures had torn him apart. He hated himself for what he had done. The severity of his words were hitting him hard.

"You disgust me"

He couldn't believe that he had said those words. He had always observed how uncomfortable Kinn was whenever that topic came off yet now he had to answer something so traumatic to him in this manner. It was as if he had been interrogated on gunpoint to confess something that had hurt him so much. Those reports and photos... As if he was scared that Porsche wouldn't believe him. He despised how he had held Kinn that day and then pushed him aside.

That bastard, that bloody joke of a human had... He couldn't handle the thought of Kinn getting across that man again. Now that he had left it was obvious that Khun Korn was going to do anything to dissolve Minor Family again and it could mean Kinn getting across that man again and again. He still had that picture in his wallet. The picture of Kinn holding a puppy, looking absolutely delighted.

"I'm so sorry Kinn..."

He couldn't stop his tears. He had seen Kinn smile infront of him but he had never seen him cry. That man had controlled himself so much. Perhaps it was the fear of someone taking advantage of his vulnerability, considering him weak, or maybe his sorrows being completely undermined and ignored for years. Porsche knew how it felt to have no one to rely upon, no one to comfort and hold. But Kinn was raised to love his extended family, none of whom he could trust. He was equally lonely... He feared the people whom he was supposed to love or consider family would do unimaginable things to him.

He couldn't focus on anything else at work or at home. The thought of what Kinn had to endure as a child and an adult made him feel sick. He started to think of every moment he had spent with Kinn. The way Kinn flinched and woke up at the slightest touch... Was it only because of the fear of getting killed or... When Kinn was too hesitant to open up and tell everything about himself was it only because of Tawan's betrayal?

He knew that Khun Korn kept an eye on everything his family had done over the years so how was it possible for him to not know what happened to his own child at his own house. He was so tempted to give Kinn a call but always stopped himself from doing so because... What could he say?

One day when he couldn't take it anymore he finally dialled the number and to his surprise the call was answered. But he disconnected only a second later. His heart was running fast just from that.

At the bar there were tons of women lusting after him. They tried to flirt and seduce him for just a evening's worth of time but his eyes always hoped to see Kinn walk into the bar like he had done all those months before. He knew he couldn't run from this forever. At some point he had to face it.

*

Kinn hadn't stepped out of the washroom for some time after Porsche had walked out. He needed a while to calm himself down. But he failed. After walking out he had decided to not go back to that room. But at night he couldn't handle the anxiety of Porsche getting hurt or someone trying to attack him again so he had grabbed his gun and sat outside the room all night long.

Next day he avoided going near that corridor but he watched Porsche leaving through one of the balconies. He knew he couldn't go downstairs because Porsche didn't want to see him anymore. But when Porsche had finally left his heart sank. He went back to Porsche's room. Everything was gone. His clothes, his pictures, almost everything except... The polaroids. The only thing Porsche had left behind were the pictures of their first date. Porsche had made it clear that he didn't want have any memory of him... He had meant it.