Wines And Guns

4.

Kinn was avoiding Porsche all day. Every minute was feeling extra long to Porsche. Every second was unbearable. It felt suffocating. Nothing he did could really truly distract him from Kinn's silence towards him. It felt like he had committed a crime. But this punishment was too much compared to any other physical punishment he had received before. He couldn't eat, couldn't sleep, couldn't sit still. His headache was getting worse. He had thought of meeting Pete but he wasn't in town but at his grandmother's place. He had agreed to meet him after a week. He wondered what to do till then. Chay was busy with his school and was looking for an internship. He couldn't talk to Tankhun till he had talked with Kinn. Namphueng didn't even look at him neither did she ever to say anything. He couldn't talk about this to his friends. He was left all alone. All he could do was wait for Kinn to be ready to talk to him again.

"Porsche are you busy?"

He was surprised to see Kinn in the room. He really wasn't expecting him.

"Not at all".

Kinn sat infront of him looking down. Porsche wanted to ask him if he was okay but was too nervous to ask that. He didn't want push Kinn again. He didn't want to watch Kinn walk away again even though the silence was painful.

"I.... I thought I was ready to talk with you yesterday but.... I couldn't. I ended up behaving like a jerk and hurting you".

"No it's okay Kinn".

"It's not. It's really not Porsche. That's why I want to think it through before saying anything."

Porsche was getting even more nervous now. He didn't want to blurt out anything or jump into conclusions that will hurt Kinn in the process.

"I felt like this conversation was long due especially after... what happened. But I simply got awkward everytime I tried talking about it so I just.... decided to write down everything. It might sound weird but I felt like that was the easiest way I could express everything without any hesitation or awkwardness."

He handed over a little brown diary to Porsche.

"Please try to read and understand.... Maybe it'll be easier to talk ahead for us then. I'm sorry for this but... I just couldn't think of anything else."

Porsche nodded quietly.

"Tell me when you're done reading it".

With that Kinn got up and left the room. Once again Porsche was lost in the uncomfortable silence. His heart was tempting to jump to a thousand conclusions but his mind was refusing. When they were lost in the forest it felt like they could say anything to eachother. There was a sense of comfort. Now in their own home no matter how hard they tried they couldn't talk properly. But atleast it was a relief that Kinn was communicating in some way. If he felt comfortable saying some things aloud then maybe this was indeed the best option to talk. Just writing your feelings down. Kinn had agreed to talk about things after Porsche was done reading whatever was written on the diary. Even though it gave him anxiety he had to go through it. He opened the diary with some hesitation. He quickly flipped through the pages before reading anything what was written in detail. His anxiety was stronger than ever now. No matter how much he wanted to read it quick it wasn't the right time for it. He went outside the room to finish the rest of his works. He'd read it in evening when both him and Kinn would be comfortable. He knew he won't be able to control his urge to talk with Kinn after reading the diary.

The lunch and meeting were dreary and felt way too long. He couldn't concentrate on anything. Finally when the last meeting was over he felt more tired than ever. Everyone left one by one. He was walking through the corridors up towards the bedroom.