Forever Yours (More Than A Feeling|Sequel)

Eleven: Matt's Input

Jimmy's POV

It'd been a few days since I'd last seen Elise, when we had our little argument. Those past two days have been hell to me. I felt so guilty for yelling at her like that that it was even funny. I was nearly ripping my hair out of my head. I couldn't sleep at night because I just kept thinking about it, I'd just lay there and stare up at the ceiling feeling shitty while Aubree slept soundly beside me. She'd woken up a couple times and asked me what was wrong, but I just told her I couldn't get to sleep. Sometimes I wouldn't fall asleep until around three in the morning and then drag myself through the next day. I couldn't bring myself to go see her, either, so I just let myself suffer hoping that maybe this would subside on it's own. But I don't think it will, that's the problem. 

We were just hitting the four week mark on the countdown to the wedding, and we'd finally just got everything settled as far as the last details go. Now, we just sit back, relax, and wait. I think that Aubree thinks that since we've made up, I made my decision she gave me about it being her or Elise, and that my decision was to stay with her, and get rid of Elise. However, that's not the case. I haven't even thought about that. I know that if things keep up like they had previously, I will have a decision to make, and it would be a hard decision. 

Aubree was there to take away the pain of Elise's absence, although not all of it ever completely went away, she was the distraction from it and a distraction was what I needed. She'd been there every time I felt utterly alone and reminded me that I wasn't, and helped to restore a little more happiness.

Elise has been there since practically birth, being Matt's sister with us only a year apart. When she left, life wasn't really recognizable anymore. I didn't see it as my life anymore, I saw it as someone else's because she wasn't there. Everything was just so continuously empty. She came back, and then my whole happiness returned. She thinks that Aubree's the reason for my happiness, but she doesn't realize that she's a big part of that too. I hate having to live without her, if Aubree hadn't been there for most of the year, it probably would have killed me.

I have to figure out which one of them I'd rather have fast, before it's too late to turn back, meaning before the wedding. But how? How am I supposed to chose one and lose one? If Aubree could just contain her jealousy so I could marry her and keep my best friend at the same time, that would make things a hell of a lot easier. But no, we just couldn't possibly have things be that simple. 

When I tried to go over, she wasn't home or she knew that I was there and didn't answer the door purposely. I'll admit, I was slightly disappointed that she didn't, I really wanted to make things right again and the thought that she didn't want to see me made my heart break. It reminded me of when I was dating Ashley, and she'd hang out with the others as long as I wasn't there because she was avoiding me. I was pretty sure that she was avoiding me.

All day today I was contemplating going down there and knocking on her door to apologize, but I wasn't sure that she would want to see me and I wasn't sure that Aubree wouldn't flip out again. I knew that it was probably ridiculous that I couldn't go see my best friend of the opposite gender without my wife-to-be making assumptions and not trusting me, but I didn't feel like fighting with anybody. I've got enough problems already. 

Now, I was back at it, trying to get some sleep when all I could do was feel guilty and angry with myself. I just had to yell at her. She didn't come back here to get yelled at by me, that's why she left in the first place. I'm not letting this happen again. 

I've been laying here for three hours since ten, and my eyelids haven't started feeling even a little heavy yet, and I know they won't for quite a while. I might as well give up now, because I'm not going to get any further with this by just lying here.