"I'm doing good, I'm on some new shit. Been saying yes, instead of no." -Taylor Swift
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One hundred percent sure that it's not supposed to feel this way when one comes home for Christmas break to see their family. However for me, it feels draining and like I much rather be running through a haunted house from a monster.
As soon as the plane landed I started tensing.
My body was slighting hurting from it. It sucks that I feel like this but i can't help it. My mother always puts me in a bad mood and irritates the fuck out of me with her judgy remarks.
However I push those thoughts to the back and focus on happier ones. Like how I get to see my dad and sister. I know it hasn't been that long but I'm sure she looks even more grown now than she did last time I saw her.
It breaks my heart to a million pieces when I think of Jade. She's noticing like me. Where I was rebellious and rude to my mother, Jade is the opposite. I'm not sure if she likes the idea of this life but she sure as hell never gives my mom shit about it. And you'd think that should be a good reason enough for my mother to go easy on her and show some sort of affection but no.
And I hate that I am jeopardizing my relationship with Jade, by not being here more. Thanksgiving I spent with my aunt and didn't see her then. I won't even be spending New Years Eve here either. Two days after Christmas I'll be going with aunt Daphne to New York.
Once again I feel that same tense feeling in my stomach when the driver pulls up in front of my house.
I sit in the car and wait as the driver gets out, walks around to open my door. I thank him, and gesture for him to go ahead and grab my luggage from the trunk. I just need a minute to breathe and prepare myself for the rest of this week.
My mother's incisive criticism. My outfits, my tone, my mediocre mindset. It'll also be my rude responses, lack of respect and my total disregard for this family and then I will blow up, yell and we will fight and this whole fucking vacation week will turn into a complete nightmare.
Joy.
"Miss?" The driver clears his throat, startling me from my thoughts. "Should I set your luggage on the porch or did you want me to leave it down here?"
I frown. "I'm sorry, if you can please just set it on top of the stairs for me. Thank you."
And the really nice man does.
I apologize once more for being distracted and for asking if he could take the longer way here and then offer him an extra tip but he refuses. I'll just make sure to add it to him through the app.
Walking up the stairs I pull my keys out and unlock the door.
Instantly I'm greeted with the amazing smell of apple cinnamon. That's my parents favorite sent and they have candles of it all holiday season.
