"I'm a mess. I'm a loser, I'm a hater, I'm a user." - Bebe Rexha
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It happened. Oh. It definitely happened. Once again I got drunk and did something really stupid. I guess in a way it's better than crying during sex with a guy you're dating but it's still really, really embarrassingly stupid.
I kissed Noah Young.
Out of all the guys at Calvary I chose to kiss the biggest player of em'. Like how does that even happen?
Actually, I'll tell you how: I got drunk with my friends at a bar. That's how that ended up happening.
Noah was kind enough to look out for me and made sure that I was safe. All he was doing was literally babysitting me. Giving me Advil, making sure I was drinking fluids and putting me to bed. It was nothing special. But then I guess, it kind of was. Cause I don't see him doing that for random girls. But I'm Miguel's best friend and he was going out of his way to be kind.
I think that might have been a turn on?
That's besides me already thinking he's super fucking hot. Cause he is. And I blame the tequila for making me feel all tingly and brave.
Never have him and I been put in a situation like that or any of Miguel's other friends. None of them have even hit on me or anything. Except for when I first met them, that they'd me all funny and flirty but that's just how they are. I never took it serious.
So me crossing the line and throwing myself at him is a huge fuck up. I'm embarrassed. I feel stupid. Cause even though he kissed me back, he stopped it. Out of him and I, he's the one who actually thought of Miguel.
For some reason Blair's words replayed in my head at that moment. No feelings. Just sex.
If anyone is going to be perfect for that, it's Noah. He wants nothing to do with relationships and everything to do when sex.
Which is exactly what I need.
Since we already know each other, I would be super comfortable with him already. Plus neither of us have to worry about a relationship because we don't want one.
Of course, I didn't even run it by him. My drunk ass came to those conclusions all on my own.
And now I'm in hiding.
The morning after the incident, I woke up in Miguel's room, and the house was completely quiet. I was quick to order a Uber and track down Blair for my extra apartment key. The rest of the weekend I spent it inside my place and didn't go out at all. I couldn't even tell Blair either about what I did. It's just way too embarrassing to be repeating it.
Miguel also did text me to make sure that was good. And I was so glad when he didn't even try to hang out.
Now I'm sitting on my couch, trying to decide which problem to tackle first. Should I rip the bandage off and just confront Noah so I can apologize? Or, should I call my dad to let him know that I won't be spending Thanksgiving with them this year.
