Wikigirl 2 //PJM

Chapter 54

If one could live without a heart he would have scooped his out and thrown it at the feet of the most starving beast he could find, so that it would get demolished right before his eyes and he could be forever free from it.

If one could be considered human without his feelings, he would have drowned them all at the depths of the red sea and would kneel before the vast sky, to praise his freedom.

Yet even if he was to remove his heart as an organ, even if he could continue breathing without it, there was no guarantee that he would have gotten rid of his feelings also. For emotions reside in a human's entity and they arise from the cerebral cortex. Feelings have to do with the brain as much as they have to do with the heart hence it's their two-way relationship that one would need to break to secure absolute apathy.

Still, what life would be worth living in such a way? How one could remain human if they were to get rid of that essence that makes them exactly that? For someone who wanted to be normal more than anything in his life, praying desperately to be heartless was an utter contradiction.

Who would have known that being human would cost so much? Why had no one warned him of the pain that comes with simply existing yet even if he knew, would he have run away? He wasn't sure. For erasing his life, erasing his heart meant erasing the value of the memories he held. It meant breathing but being soulless in the hollow vessel of his flesh.

How brave one needed to be to make a choice? How courageous one needed to be to face the truth? Accept once and for all that time can not go back and that every glimpse of happiness he has ever experienced was caused by deceit. 

The tender gaze that greeted him when he first came to this world, that safety as he lay in the arms of his mother while he was inhaling his first breaths. How welcomed and loved Jimin was by his parents in this world. 

They would look at him as if he was the only reason that they lived and he would grow to love them back with all he had, simply because he knew nothing else but to love, he knew nothing else but to trust for they were the people that brought to him the biggest gift. They gave him life.

As unconditionally can a parent's heart love, so did he love them back. His whole world was them, his whole essence was what they taught him, his whole life had them at the centre and without them he would have never even been able to imagine, living on.

Their pain was his own and all that could ever worry his mind, was them, all that could ever ache his chest was their suffering or sadness. A tear shed from their eyes, felt like it pierced right through his heart every time he was to witness it. So there was no wonder that Jimin would sacrifice everything for their good. For he loved them to the point that no matter what he was to lose as long as it was not them, it would be worth it.

Such a pure innocent soul is bound to get damaged among the thorns of the world, and certainly, he had withstood his fair share of scratches but never could anyone harm him too much, for he may have been a heart that loved generously but he loved only a few selective ones, way too much.

Trustworthy ones...he would jump on fire with his own two feet if anyone was ever to put those people in question, and he would stand up for them against a thousand trials and millions of others claiming the opposite. That was how strong his love was, how thick the fog before his gaze. Only if someone would have warned him, of the consequences of having a good heart.

If only he knew, how one is meant to die with the same intensity they lived and how the future of an innocent soul is to be turned into a victim and not a victor. Had he known that one's heart does not halt once broken? One's emotions don't disappear just because a mind is shocked and a heart is torn. One can keep breathing despite how much death had taken over their soul.