Wikigirl 2 //PJM

Author's Note

PLEASE READ

This is not a chapter but I want to share some of my feelings with you as sincerely as I can. 

It's been a while since I haven't been able to write anything properly. I update only the book I have chapters already ready and only need to translate them. Even before that, it's been a while since I have found myself struggling to produce a chapter. I have gone through many similar phases in the past. On Hush too I almost dropped it. On Deceiver, I almost never wrote more than half. On Uproar I used to struggle on every ten chapters. I guess I shouldn't be surprised that it's happening with Wikigirl too. I have almost given up on writing many times. But it still remains my one and only lifeline. Writing is still my only flame, my only voice, my only lively part.

I know taking into consideration how many years I have dedicated to this art, I have no achievements to present. There's nothing concrete in my hands. I became 28 years old recently. And people asked me, "What are you doing with your life?" "What have you achieved so far?"

Sure academically I had what to present, but speaking about my profession doesn't make me feel happy. I am a teacher, and sure it wasn't easy to graduate, study, or get into the job-seeking world. Sure, saying I am a teacher could leave a good impression on whoever is listening.

But it is not who I am in my heart. I want to be able to introduce myself as an author, and a writer, but even though I have poured in this art all I have, I am no one important as a winter.

There's nothing I can show, nothing I can say. So I have been contemplating...Am I not good enough? Maybe my passion has grown too weak. Maybe no matter what, this will always be something I am not meant to grasp. There are plenty of writers out there, with so much better writings, better plots, better circumstances and better knowledge than I.

I don't know why I have been going down this drain lately. My first book will be published soon. I should have been happy, right? Yet All I am is scared because I am not ready to see this fail. If it does. Whenever it does. I think it's gonna hurt me more than I would like to admit, for it would be the final answer. Did I really waste my time or did it have a reason? Am I to finally be good enough at something, or is my soul far too broken, to be able to ever produce anything worthy anymore?

I have been unable to write, unable to feel, unable to connect, unable to be present in everyday moments. Unable to be alive even though I am breathing. But maybe what torments me most is the fact that I am unable to be what my readers need me to be. I know I haven't updated in a while and I know you must be tired of waiting. I know you will grow cold with each update for I have seen it happen. I know I won't be able to keep you engaged, I know it won't be like it used to be. I know my ups and downs and my unruly schedule is responsible for that.

I am sorry. I promise I am trying my best. So whenever I take too long, I hope you know, I am not ignoring you, I am not being lazy either. It's just that writing is not always easy for me. So please don't come to me, trying to make me feel bad or guilty. Threatening me that you will drop the book if I don't update. I have always tried as much as I can. I care for you and I always will. I will be the shoulder you need at any moment. I will try to understand you as much as I can.

My readers have always been dear to me. I love you and maybe that's why it hurts more when inappropriate behavior comes from one of you. I know waiting is not fun but please know, that I have always done my best to entertain you, and write as well as I can. I am merely a human like any other. Trying to deal with life like any other person. I too have feelings, I too can feel hurt, even if I don't react strongly.

I don't know if you will continue waiting on Wikigirl or not. But if you do,I would appreciate it.

And if you don't, please do so without the need of saying anything harsh.

Thank you as always for your time and understanding.

And thank you for reading this note till the end.

I will write as soon as my emotions click again.

I promise.

Please, take good care of yourselves and remember to always smile. Because your smiles

makes me feel relieved.

Purple you now and always,

Your author- Liz