AFRAID {a.i.}

CHAPTER THIRTY-EIGHT

Song of the Chapter: Even My Dad Does Sometimes - Ed Sheeran.

My eyes shot open and I screamed in pain. The walls were white and the tubes going into me made me feel uncomfortable. I tried to focus on everything other than the pain but it was no use. I screamed more and held my stomach. I watched Dr. Mount come rushing in... That was enough to make anyone confused. Where was I? Was I dreaming? He adjusted some tubes and looked at me. His face was sad and his eyes were full of disappointment.

"Brooke, it's Dr. Mount. Can you hear me?" Dr. Mount looked down at me and I nodded. The pain was gripping and lingering. I couldn't help but cry in agony. "Just breathe through the pain, we are doing everything we can. Just breathe through it." I breathed out and in with Dr. Mount as he instructed.

"I don't know where I am." I panicked and he pulled up a seat next to me.

"Sweetheart, you're in hospital, you've been in surgery." He explained. The pain started to ease away in my stomach. My hand tensed, when everything came back to me. This was Zac. All Zac. Hitting the floor was hard and painful... But there was one thing I needed to know. My stomach was so painful and surely that meant only one thing.

"My baby... Is-"

"Brooke, just rest. We will discuss everything when Ashton comes back. And of course when your Grandma and her husband arrive." Dr. Mount started to walk away. I called him and he turned.

"But my baby.... They don't know." His eyes saddened and my heart sank. I nodded, letting him open the door. I watched him leave and laid still in the bed. Everything was silent. I could see shadows through the translucent blinds. I placed my hand over my stomach. However, I flinched and snatched my hand away. Please baby, please be okay.

It must of been an hour or so until Emily, Luke, Michael, Calum, grandma and Jeff walked in with Dr. Mount. I searched for Ashton and quickly noticed him rush to me. His jeans were tight as usual but he wore a grey hoodie, similar to the one he gave me on the night after the other Zac incident. Ashton looked knackered, but still managed to look perfect. He kissed my forehead slowly and I closed my eyes, holding his wrists, so his hands were secure on my jaw line. . As I opened my eyes, he smiled, sadly. He took away his hand from my face and I felt his fingers interlock with mine, as he sat down. I looked at everyone and sighed. This can't be good. I looked at my chest and breathed in. Dr. Mount started to unfold some paperwork and as he did, he took his glasses off.

"I wanted everyone to be here as you all seem to care for Brooke so dearly," Dr. Mount started, his glasses were tucked in his shirt pocket. I looked at grandma and Jeff. They played with their fingers, whilst staring at me. They won't care for after this. "When you took that stumble Brooke, you seriously bruised your leg, only tearing a ligament, luckily didn't fracture anything. You'll be living in a leg support for the next few weeks, which won't be an issue, I'm sure. But that will be back to normal as soon as possible."

"But it's not major?" Jeff smiled, he was pleased. Dr. Mount shook his head and then looked at me. I knew exactly what was coming. I didn't want to know, but I did. Ashton's grip was full of hope and needy. I looked down again. "Physiotherapy should do you fine." Jeff smiled and I tried to pull a smile to my face.

"Miss. Montez, I'm afraid we did everything to save him, but it was impossible, he was barely surviving." Dr. Mount apologised. My hand unlocked from Ashton's, slowly, and I paused.

"Save who?" Grandma questioned. Emily crashed into Luke and cried. Michael massaged his head. Calum stood still, in shock. But, Ashton, he dropped his head to my bed. I felt water fill my eyes and I let the tears fall. But then I realised. Dr. Mount didn't say baby. He said him. It was a boy. My eyes squeezed shut and turned away from Ashton. I cried and cried. Ashton grabbed my hand but I pulled it away.

"Please leave, everyone please just leave." I screamed. Everyone followed my orders after about a minute, apart from Ashton, who stayed by my side. I cried more and more and his arm tried to wrap around my body. I pushed him away.

"Brooke." His voice croaked. I shook my head and continued looking the opposite way. I looked down and cried. Ashton sighed. "Brooke, it's okay, I'm going to be-"

"Get out. Please." I begged in a loud voice. Ashton tried to touch me once more but I cried even more. He started to walk away when I looked at him. His eyes met mine and all I saw was my baby's eyes. It's eyes identical to Ashton's. I turned. I couldn't handle that pain. That pain of knowing my baby died because of my own wrong doing.

"I love you." Ashton whispered before he walked out. I groaned and cried more. I was happy. We were happy. Now I can't even look at Ashton because of his eyes. I was having a baby boy and now I'm not. I was pregnant and I had a miscarriage. Me? I calmed down but ended up tearing up again. A knock hit against the door, and Jeff walked in. He shut the door slowly behind him.

"I know you hate me, but please, I've just lost a child." I looked at him and he wiped his eyes with his handkerchief. That handkerchief. The one that he could of given to my son on his first birthday as a sentimental gift.

"You didn't tell us.." Jeff sat on the bed and held my hand on his leg. I sniffled and sat up a little.

"Because you were so excited about my 'academic routes'. I didn't want to make you ashamed." I sighed and Jeff wiped my eyes with his handkerchief. I smiled, slightly.

"Brooke, your grandma is angry and I'm upset, but we would never be ashamed of you. You have a whole life ahead of you. It's your choice how you live it." Jeff pulled my hair behind my ear and I cried.

"I was going to have a baby boy, Jeff." I shook my head and he looked down at me. His face softened.

"I know, but sweetheart, I promise you, you'll be a great mother one day soon and this baby boy will be a memory not a regret." Jeff held both of my hands and helped me up so I was facing him. My stomach was causing so much pain.

"I guess I can go to London." My face dropped and Jeff shook his head. I looked at him and he shook his head again. "They accepted me but I was putting it off. Now I have no reason not to go."

"What about Ashton?" Jeff asked. I shrugged. "You can't leave him."

"I don't want to....but now, I need to do the thing I'm best at and that's running away." I answered.

"Are you sure you want to give up your life here for a study that you don't even want to do..." Jeff pointed out. I shrugged and he huffed, patiently. "Look, you do whatever makes you feel comfortable. But please, don't do something you'll regret. Because the last thing you need right now is to make the wrong choice and mess up your future."

"But Jeff, I can't even look at Ashton anymore." I cried. Jeff pulled me into a hug and I pressed my head on his shoulder. "I just see my baby boy."

"Is that why you want to go to London?" Jeff was sad, I could tell.

"No. I mean, I don't know. I'm not going yet. I just I need to think about it. You know see how everything turns out."

"Maybe you need to think about Ashton as well." Jeff kissed my forehead before tucking me back down in my bed. I smiled and he stood up. "You sleep, I'll tell everyone it's time to go. Remember no matter what happens...I love you Brooke and I know Ashton loves you too, more than anything. Think about that." Jeff started to walk out and I smiled at him before he left. When he closed the door, I looked up at the ceiling. I couldn't think about London. I could only think about my baby boy and my boyfriend. I could of possibly lost them both in a day. What do I do? I can't do this. He can't do this either.

I'm truly afraid of what's about to come.