AFRAID {a.i.}

CHAPTER FOURTY

Song of the Chapter: Loveeeeeee Song - Rihanna.

They took me to surgery for hours. Ashton wasn't allowed to come, but I wanted him to. God, I needed him to. Dr. Mount put me on some medication which numbed everything. I wish I could numb my feelings too. As I laid in that operating theatre, I thought about everything I loved, as well as everything I've lost. I wanted to balance them both, but the bad outweighed the good. The medication would make me tired, but the doctors chat would keep me awake. So, quite frankly, I was glad to get out of that theatre. The surgery seemed to have gone good because the pain went and I felt okay, but that could just be the medication.

An hour after surgery Dr. Mount confirmed that everything was good, and everything planned went perfectly. I had a blood clot in my stomach, which can be extremely dangerous so, in my case, I was very lucky. I thanked Dr. Mount when he left and sat once more in silence. Hospital rooms were emotionless and quiet, I couldn't stand it. I grabbed my phone from the table beside my bed and noticed a text from Ashton.

New Text Message From: Ash.
When you wake up, and I'm not there, don't panic. I will be there as soon as I can, I need to sort some stuff out. I love you Brooke, forever. X

I smiled and put my phone down on the table. I closed my eyes and tried to focus on everything other than the previous days. I sighed and near,y fell into a small sleep, before the door slammed open. I sat up in shock and noticed Grandma rush in. Jeff followed her, a face on panic on him.

"Brooke, how dare you?" Grandma shouted. I rolled my eyes and threw myself back on my pillow. Jeff looked pained and sad, I never wanted that. "You got pregnant over your first love."

"Grandma, don't you dare start that right now." I groaned and closed my eyes. She threw the magazine in her hand onto the table. It startled me as it slapped against the wood. "Do you even care? I've just come out of surgery and you're questioning me about my baby boy that died THREE days ago?"

"Oh please, you weren't ready for that baby, Brooke, everyone knows that." Grandma snapped. Ouch, I tried to hold tears back.

"Love," Jeff took Grandmas hand and I huffed.

"Grandma. How dare you! Have you lost your heart because you are being God damn vile right now!" I looked at her and she glared. I had never ever seen grandma liked this, never thought would, either.

"I'm thinking of what's best for you, Brooklyn." Grandma exhaled and I shook my head, laughing. I looked away from her and she turned away as well. Jeff stood, speechless.

"What's best for me? I've just lost my baby and you're thinking about what's best for me. Oh, that brings back memories. You bringing my dad around to try and get him back in our life, because it's 'what's best for me', right? When actually, it's what's worse for me? Your own daughter was put in danger because of him, are you still thinking about what's best for me?" I laughed and her glare turned for the worse. "No you're not. You're thinking of what's best for your appearance?" A envelope hit my chest. I took it off and looked at the front. In black pen was my name.

"I want you out of here Brooke. I want you to go to London and be educated until you graduate. Then, you can think about kids like a normal person." Grandma walked to the door and Jeff's mouth dropped. I looked at the envelope that sat in my shaking hands.

"You're paying me out?" A tear fell from my eye. "Is that seriously how little you think of me?" She turned and looked at me, no emotion in her eyes. We looked at each other intensely for a while before she spoke up.

"Right now, yes." Grandma walked out and my breathing hitched. I opened the envelope and pulled out the plane ticket. It was to London. September 3rd. That was over one week away. I stared at the card paper and sat full of emotion.

"I'm so sorry Brooke." Jeff walked closer to me and put his hand on my shoulder. I put my hand on top of his, after I shut the envelope. I through the envelope in my bag and Jeff sat beside me. "I tried to stop her."

"Please, Jeff, don't blame yourself. I deserve this." I smiled, lightly and watched the door open. Ashton stood there with a frown on his face. I raised my eyebrow and he walked in, shutting the door behind him.

"Your grandma... She just glared at me, I've never seen her with such hatred." Ashton edged into the room and I sighed. "What's happened?"

"You see I tried to stop her but she went and got-" I quickly cut Jeff off. I didn't need Ashton to find out about this incident just yet. I couldn't let him know until I was prepared.

"She went and had a go at me for getting pregnant, that's all." I stared at Jeff, who frowned. I knew he didn't want me to lie, and honestly, I didn't want to lie but I had no choice.

"Well, I should let you two talk, hope you're feeling better soon, sweetie." Jeff hugged me and slowly whispered silently into my ear, "You need to tell him, Brooke." He pulled away and smiled at Ashton. Ashton smiled back and shut the door behind Jeff. He sat in the seat Jeff was previously sitting in. He smiled at me and I leaned back on my pillow.

"Well today has been tiring." I sighed. I put my head to the side so I could face him. Ashton's face was slightly bruised. I immediately looked at his knuckles. They were covered in red marks. I groaned, "Ashton."

"Brooke, come on, he had it coming." Ashton shrugged and I shook my head. I put my hand on my forehead and tried to keep calm.

"Man, I don't need this." I groaned and Ashton took my hand. He tugged it so I would look at him. I let my hand fall away from my head and placed it carefully in his hand.

"Babe, I'm not letting that dickhead get away with what he did," Ashton stated. I nodded, "when I seen you before you went into surgery, I panicked, babe, I thought I was going to lose you and that would all be him and well me." Ashton looked down and I started to get confused.

"What are you on about? None of this was your fault." I made clear to him that this was nothing to him, but he disagreed. I thought of anything that he could possibly use to blame himself, but thought of nothing.

"When you seen Jessica, you left, I shouldn't of let you leave the group. Because if I didn't, we wouldn't be in here right now." Ashton was right but for all the wrong reasons. I had completely forgotten about Jessica. Thinking about her, pained me more than anything.

"Jessica.. She was pretty." I sighed. My hand loosened from his but that only made him hold my hand tighter. He kissed my hand and my focus fell on his eyes.

"She's nothing next to you."

"I got so jealous, if I just trusted you, or whatever, we wouldn't be here." I groaned and Ashton did too. We were both stuck in a pool of confusion and somehow nothing was going to pull us out. Little did he know I was leaving Australia in over a week, and I was more than likely to never see him again until I come back. That just ignited a bigger flame. Nothing was going to be right anymore. I just don't know how I plan to tell him. Emily's laugh caused us to drop of our trance as we concentrated on the open door. Emily walked in with Luke.

"Hello lovebirds." Luke smirked and Ashton chuckled. I just forced out a fake smile and watched them all communicate as I sat feeling sorry for myself. Ashton smiled at me. I watched his hair fall onto his forehead, just like it did the first time we got intimate. I watched his eyes soften, just like they did the first time he told me he loved me. I watched his grin grow wider, like the time he followed me down the corridor after I told him I was pregnant. I watched his heart beat in his chest, just like the time he ran after me to the small waterfall. I watched his hands hold mine, just like he always did.

What if I lose everything when I leave? What if my life falls before my eyes?