AFRAID {a.i.}

CHAPTER FOURTY-ONE

Song of the Chapter: She Will Be Loved - Maroon 5.

I was released from hospital a few days later, after too many health checks. Jeff brought me home. Ashton had stuff to do with the band, since there was no longer a baby to wait around for, he could go straight to the studio and record the album. I knew he wanted this and it made me happy to see him achieve/accomplish his dreams. But apart of me was sad at how this all turned out. The car ride was silent. Jeff had been so awkward ever since the incident with grandma. He didn't know whether to help me or leave me. I knew no matter what, I was going to London in exactly a week and I still haven't told Ashton.

"What do I say to Ashton?" I piped up. Jeff looked at me quickly, before looking back at the road. His elbow rested on the car door as he prompted his head on his hand. Jeff sighed.

"You know I've always said honesty is the best policy and I think I'm right to say that you want to tell him the truth. You're love for each other is so powerful and encouraging. You'll do a long distance relationship just fine." Jeff explained. I looked out the window and breathed out, heavily.

"I'm just scared of what this might do to us." I admitted. Jeff nodded and pulled into the driveway. I took off my seatbelt and went to get but he stopped me. He sat motionless and I did the same. I just wanted to go to my bedroom and focus on the university and what I'm going to tell Ashton.

"You lost a baby together, Brooke, what could be worse than that pain? You're relationship is strong. He might react bad, but you'll be fine, honestly." Jeff smiled and I agreed. As we got out of the car, he spoke up again. "You know I told you that you didn't want to go London." I pulled out my bag from the trunk and Jeff held it for me. I laughed and followed him around the car, to the house.

"Well, it's different, when you're being forced." I laughed and as I did, I heard my grandmother clear her throat in the doorway.

"I never forced you, I just didn't give you a choice." Grandma stated. I rolled my eyes and pushed passed her. Jeff whisper shouted something at her but I couldn't quite hear it. I walked to the staircase, but her voice stopped me. "Dinner will be ready in an hour." I turned and glared.

"Oh where are sending me to eat? South America?" I spat. I ran up the stairs to my room and noticed Brad sitting on my bed. Oh how I missed that bed. His eyes lifted to my height and I sat next to him. In his hand was the scan photo. My heart sank.

"I don't want you to leave, if that makes you feel any better." Brad hugged me and left the scan photo behind him. I shrugged.

"It's okay, I'll be fine, it's not like I didn't apply for it. I guess I deserved it." I sighed and Brad disagreed immediately. He shook his head.

"Have you told Ashton you are leaving?" Brad let go of me and I buried my head in my hands.

"No. I'm trying to find the right moment." I sighed and Brad looked ahead, into the mirror. I followed his view and looked at myself, I was a mess.

"We grew up too fast." Brad was so saddened by the sight of himself, it shattered my heart I rested my head on his shoulder and smiled. "It's like I've been protecting you from the world that I kinda forgot to live in it."

"At least I know I'll always have my big brother come to the rescue. No matter what." I assured and he nodded.

"Always." Brad fist pumped me and I laughed. It was like we were kids. I smiled at him before he stood up. I followed him to the door and hugged him.

"You're the bestest brother ever, thank you so much Brad." I muttered into his blue sweater. He smiled and looked down at me.

"You'll be fine, you always are." As he walked out, Ashton walked in. Ashton didn't even speak or smile at Brad, which was unusual. I was for sure shocked to see him. He was meant to be in the studio, so why was he here?

"What are you doing here?" I questioned, chuckling. Ashton slammed the door and came into my room. He pulled out an envelope from his pocket and threw it to my feet. I noticed my name in black pen. Ashton sat on the bed and avoided eye contact with me. The envelope was all he looked at. I didn't want this conversation to happen, not now and certainly not ever.

"What is that?" Ashton was angry. I picked up the envelope. I looked at it as if I never seen it before. Once I sat next to him on the bed, I noticed his fists clench together.

"I'm going to London..." I trailed off and Ashton looked at me. His eyes were sad and lonely. "The university accepted me. The starting date is next week."

"You didn't even think to discuss this with me?" Ashton stood up and walked to the balcony door. His hands brushed through his greasy hair and I couldn't help but wonder the last time he actually washed it. I looked down at the envelope and frowned. I never wanted this, but how am I meant to explain something so stupid.

"I have to go Ashton, I have no choice..." I put my plane ticket on top of the scan photo and walked closer to him.

"You don't have to go anywhere, of course you have a choice." Ashton turned and our bodies were nearly touching. I looked down to our feet and shook my head. This shouldn't even be happening to me.

"Grandma, she's making me go." I stepped in front of him and opened the balcony. I leaned myself against the railings. It was cold out here; baring in mind I only had a vest top and hooded jacket on, with some jeans. The storm had been here for days now. It seemed to match my mood. I sighed and Ashton stood next to me.

"What do you mean.. your grandmas lovely?" Ashton raised an eyebrow and I shrugged. I played with my fingers, which were mostly covered by the sleeves of my jacket.

"I guess she's ashamed of what I did, what happened, I don't know, but please understand that this, I mean me leaving... I would never even think about it, well... I don't know, I don't want to go." I stared into the distance and it was silent. It was almost like Ashton had left, I couldn't feel him close to me, I couldn't hear his chest thumping and his breathing was barely noticeable. It wasn't until his arms wrapped around, that I realised he was still next to me. His chest pressed against my back and he kissed my cheek, softly. I felt his chin rest on my shoulder. I continued to look ahead, but this time, I held his arms around me, tightly.

"What are we going to?" Ashton whispered. I shrugged and he buried his head into my neck. I tilted my head to lean on his and he groaned. "Please don't go." I turned my body, causing his head to lift up. I could see tears fill in his eyes.

"Please don't cry." I dragged both my thumbs across his two cheek bones. His eyes shut and I exhaled loudly. "I have to go Ashton, I'll come back every time possible, we can text, we can FaceTime, we can do it all, I promise we will make this work Ashton, I'm not letting you go."

"You promise?" His voice was raspy. I filled the gap between us. My hands rested on his chest and I pressed my forehead against his. He opened his eyes and looked at me, sadly. I smiled.

"I promise. We can get through anything. You know.... You and me." I stated and a small smile grew on his face.

"Just when I thought it couldn't get any worse." He sighed. His arms snaked around me and I placed my head on his chest. His lips pressed against my head and lingered there. "I guess we are going to spend the next week together then." I stepped back.

"What do you mean?" I held his hand in mine and he shrugged.

"I guess I can make some plans, you know, make this special, since I probably won't see, hug, kiss or have sex with you for like a year." I slapped Ashton's chest. The way he said that lightened the mood, but, I knew deep down, we were both hurting. He pulled me close once more. "No, in all seriousness, I'm going to make this next week, the best week of your life. You and me, Brooke."

"You and me, Ashton." I answered, before placing my lips against his. I knew from now onwards the kisses would mean more, the hugs would last longer and the laughs would be more memorable. It was all about to flash before our eyes. I had a week left with my boyfriend, that was never going to be enough. However, I planned to make that week the best it could possibly be, even if at the end of it, I have to say goodbye.

I hope he knows that I never want to say goodbye.