Thoughts On Things

Entry 3

So there are a lot of great opening lines in books. One I previously considered the best was from Anna Karenina by Leo Tolstoy; "All happy families are alike; each unhappy family is unhappy in its own way." We share happiness in the small things. Many people enjoy playing games, reading books, riding rollercoasters - they're all things that can make people happy (not all, but lots). Unhappiness is very different I think, in that regard. Though in some cases the cause may be the same, such as the death of a loved one, I think even the grieving process is very different for all. Some cry, some hold it in, some avoid the issue, some get angry, some feel nothing at all. Very different grieving processes for the same thing. I also think the causes are more varied for unhappiness. Anything can set you off - someone speaking a little too loud or a little too quiet, the bus being late, small things, large things, good things, bad things. And then I started reading The Stranger by Albert Camus. 

"Mother died today. Or, maybe, yesterday; I can't be sure." I think this is my new favorite opening line. What an introduction to the character! How can you be unsure of your own mothers death and so apathetic despite it being so recent? It just fills me with curiosity as to who this character is and it's one of the only opening lines that manage to intrigue me so much. In the next few lines the reason for ambiguity is explained, but I still enjoy it and love how intriguing it is!

Enough of that for now. I didn't think too much today either, sadly. Too tired, I suppose. I can't remember having free time to think but I'm sure I did and I'm sure I wasted it. Mindless consumption of media I don't remember. What a waste - I think I'll do it again tomorrow. Ah. I'm going away tomorrow for a bit, so likely not. Good. I suppose I'll think of something now and get back to you. 

When I started thinking about what to think about, I thought about why we think, naturally. My answer, answered years before and not backed up by any study, is just evolution, I suppose. Giving us an edge over the competition? Do all creatures think? It's at times like these I wish I was more knowledgeable about biology, about anything. I wonder what dogs think about. My dog was chasing a mouse earlier. The mouse hid and quietly made sounds, I wonder if it was trying to scare my dog, or just a natural fear response like us screaming. Why do we scream? (Memo. Get back to later.) Anyway. I moved my dog into another room, lured by food, and freed the mouse. To my surprise, the mouse was already gone. It had ran down the hall. My dog was simply attacking the last location it was seen, and where I assume its scent had gathered. So I coaxed the mouse into my kitchen and - it hid in the corner. I'm trying to free it, get it outside, but of course it doesn't know that, so it simply backed itself into a corner. I eventually managed to get it out, by gently prodding with a broom stick, and put it onto a dust pan. I let it out outside and couldn't help but notice it running into a wall. Just as it did inside. Cold? Blind? I'm not sure. Injured, I'm sure of. Poor thing likely won't survive the night, but such is life I suppose.

I think I started this to ensure me, my thoughts, have some record at least. Every one is unique, truly. No two people will have the same thoughts on everything, at every step in life. Most ancient literature was lost. I think it's very important to preserve writing, thoughts, anything about a person before they die. No matter how boring or trivial they may seem. I'm sure someone in the future will find them interesting, or useful. Or maybe just something to laugh at. Whatever it is, I'm okay with it. I just truly wish not to be forgotten, I think, like most. 

I was thinking also about prison. More specifically, the death penalty and life imprisonment. I believe it's an apt punishment. I think it would be hell, not being free in the last moments before your death. I want to do something fun before I die. I want to do something especially fun if I know I'm to die soon. Say I have 3 months left. I'd like to set up some sort of puzzle. I have no prize to give worth anything more than money though, so I suppose it wouldn't be so successful. I hope my family'd do it though, at the very least. 

Good night.