Thoughts On Things

Entry 18

I have felt hunger, therefore I value food. I have felt thirst, therefore I value water. I have grazed my knee, therefore I value knee pads. I have never been burned, I do not fully understand the value of skin grafts. I have never been hearing impaired, therefore I do not fully understand the value of hearing aids. I have never been stabbed, therefore I do not fully understand the value of surgery. I think understanding of a solution comes from feeling the pain of the cause. Though using our reason we can logically conclude that certain things are of a value and can see why, without ever having to need it, I find it very hard to fully understand the value. Or to understand the fear. I have never seen a nuclear bomb, I do not fear it with my whole heart, I do not shrivel up when a plane flies overhead. 

I would like to relate this to the topic of greatness. I'd consider many people great in history, especially those creators. And I'd like to think of how they were great. Some factors that will be assumed in all of these, or most of these, greats, is intelligence, ability to act on opportunities, courage and funding, if necessary. Now, many people with these same qualities never quite become great. They excel, but do not become great. I'd like to put this down to a lack of suffering. Though surely not in all cases, I do believe a great many greats have suffered. Perhaps the inventor of clothes suffered in the cold. The creator of glasses struggled to see. Suffering creates understanding; and when people understand and can relate a cause to themselves, they suddenly want to act. I wonder if this speaks to the self serving nature of humanity. 

Though my comments may sometimes seem pessimistic towards people, I find humanity truly incredible and wonderful. The good, the bad, the ability to call things good and bad. Our creations, our triumphs, our egos, our kindness, our anger, our justice, our injustice. I regard all of these very highly as incredible things humanity is capable of. Sometimes I like to think of our ancestors. I regard very highly creators, inventors, artists. I hold the one who created the axe in the same regard as the one who created the bomb. The fire creator to the same degree as the one who made the wheel. I would like to create someday, but as of now I have not suffered, and can and want to be lazy. If I were to suffer, I wonder if I would be propelled into action. 

Now saying that, I suppose if there's anything that motivates me, it's art, writing, sculptures etc. I suppose the suffering of artists must be that of one who feels themself not understood? Or one who feels alone? Or both and many other great things? I do not regard myself as a sufferer and feel myself greatly privileged, but I suppose if I were to be a sufferer of anything it would be of one of these or something similar, which could explain the attraction to any form of art. 

I was reading Meditations by Marcus Aurelius and found another guideline for my life. To live only for the present moment. I often find myself wanting to be remembered in the future as some great man, praised as a genius. But I see now what should've been simple anyway! I'll be dead by then, and even if I wasn't, praise doesn't matter, I should seek only to be good whether I am praised or not, remembered or forgotten. I should seek to be good whether I live one day or one thousand years, and should seek to be true to myself also. Eternal life in memories is unneeded for myself, and so is any praise on earth. Unnecessary actions and thoughts should also be discarded for they waste the already short time I have. Thus I spoke, I suppose. 

I also feel as though I should no longer hate misfortune and curse myself as unlucky. Instead, I should see each perceived misfortune as an opportunity, a trial to test myself and prove myself, to remain true to myself even in the face of adversity. I should thus feel the same about the melancholy I've described; it is an opportunity for me to remain good in face of pain and sadness, and thus be happier in the end.

Good night.