Thoughts On Things

Entry 10

I've just been thinking about the ranking of emotions, at least for me. I suspect they apply to quite a few people though. The way I'll be ranking them for this particular list is by their inability to be overcome. If they're very easy to overcome, they're low on the list and vice versa. I'll likely miss some emotions and haven't put too much thought into it, but here it is. For reference, the emotions I'll be ranking are Happiness, Sadness, Fear, Disgust, Anger, Contempt and Surprise.

My lowest ranked emotion will be surprise. In most cases it's extremely short lived, only seconds after the cause has occurred. It then fades almost instantaneously once realization and logic kick in and the situation, the cause, is analyzed. Even in cases where it's longer lived, I'd say it's relatively easy to overcome. Though, if shock is considered an extreme extension of surprise, then things like PTSD and such rank higher on the list. 

Next will be happiness. I find in most cases, people could likely choose not to be happy and do so with relative ease. Why they would do so, I'm not sure in most cases, but I'm fairly certain most people would find it easy to overcome the happiness they're feeling at any given moment. Especially if it's an active, short lived happiness or excitement. Longer, general feelings of content would likely be harder to overcome, but I'd still put them low on the list.

The next on my list is disgust, and this is highly subjective, like all the others, of course, but this one in particular. The reason I rank this fairly high is that I have a very low tolerance for uncleanliness and the like, and am a very picky eater. So, based on my own experiences, as the rest in the list are, I'd rank disgust 4th on the list.

Coming in at 3rd place, I place anger. Anger is, in the smaller cases, fairly easy to overcome by simply removing oneself from a situation and calming down. However, in cases where you get too angry and can't logically think to do that, tensions may rise and the emotion may simply escalate, lasting even after the cause has dissipated. Due to the fact that I feel this alters one's state of mind the most and is quick to be created, I'd rank this 3rd.

2nd place goes to contempt. I see contempt as often a much longer lasting anger. Though I've never personally been given reason to hate for long, even in my short life the times I have unreasonably hated have been long lived compared to most other emotions. That alone, ignoring long lasting cases of contempt worldwide, gives me confidence it deserves this place on the list.

And first, I'd place sadness. I think sadness has a certain allure to it, that entraps its victims in it, making them almost want to be sad, as I mentioned previously. Additionally, even without this aspect, oftentimes the sadness is so great it can't simply be wished away or removed with time. It's also quick to appear in great amounts, when tragic events happen, or even just come out of seemingly nowhere. This lack of predictability, lengthiness and volume allows me to place it first, personally. 

Now, on a fairly related matter. I think that games and other forms of media strive to provoke the wrong emotions. Though it's impressive to be able to cause sadness and happiness within media, I think the most impactful emotion that could be generated fastest and in the vastest amounts would be anger, or more aptly, frustration. Even in simple games or when watching films, it's easy to get angry over minor problems, or stupid decisions made by characters. Furthermore, this frustration easily builds up under the surface, allowing it to be created and then released in great amounts. I think more pieces of media should aim to frustrate, if provoking a strong emotion is the aim, which I'm aware it's often not, or the aim is to provoke another, different emotion. 

On an unrelated note, I recently did some form of social experiment, if that name fits. I like to post poetry sometimes on a few sites. It started off as an ego boost, and I'm sure it partly still is, but I like to think it's just another attempt at expressing myself now, and always has been. Anyway, I recently begun to suspect that no one read anything but their own works on these sites. The comments were usually very vague and generic, leading me to believe they were copy and pasted, removing the need for reading or understanding poetry. So, I wrote a completely nonsensical poem and uploaded it. The comments I received were of the same quality as my usual ones, leading me to believe my hypothesis was fairly accurate. Which makes sense, it was more of an obvious observation than a hypothesis. Of course, there are exceptions, those who do read, but most are not exceptions, most are simply there to post their own work and receive a comment, likely thinking, and likely choosing to think, that the person commenting truly admired their own work. They may even offer an evil snicker as they receive the ego boosting comments and leave generic comments on others' works, believing theirs superior and actually worth reading. All views and theories are biased of course, but I pride myself on mine being especially so. 

One thing I dislike is being told I'm like my father, likely because I see the resemblance too. Not physically, we're completely different, but emotionally, I suppose. Personality wise. The bad thing is I don't think my father is a particularly good man, even on his best days. He's not the worst by far, but I'd consider him, most of the time and in one word, an asshole. Rude, often provoking unnecessary arguments, arrogant, quick to anger. One of my least favorite of his habits is his laughing. Whenever someone else gets angry or tries to present a view, a contradiction, he just laughs at them. I wonder sometimes if he realizes that he himself is very obviously just as angry and that his laughing does not help to cover that anger up. I've done the same as all of the above, though. And I truly hate it and despite it. But I still love my father, for that's what is taught growing up. Love for oneself is not usually taught, so despite my being able to love my father despite his flaws, it's hard to love me for my own flaws. 

I do think that, logically and rationally, I am a good person on the whole. And I am striving to constantly improve myself, for I see nothing else to do. I think that's what everyone does. But in those moments of anger where I lose myself to instinct, instinct formed by habit and by observation and learning, I become something I despise. Of course, in the moment, I'm caught up in the blissful anger, the shouting, the uninhibited, unfiltered release of anger and stress and all the other things, all of our primal desires. After, when rational mind and judgement are restored, and guilt forms and embarrassment, that's when I really hate myself. I haven't done it much lately, so I think I've been improving. I hope never to do it again. 

Good night.