Thoughts On Things

Entry 17

I have a friend who I've known for years, and have been on and off friends with for just as long. We split apart due to differences in interests and friend groups and reunited to find our interests aligned greatly and we spent much of our time apart doing similar things. This of course pleased me and I am glad to have him as a friend once again. However, sometimes I do lash out at him, for he is not as confident as other friends - in other words, sometimes I can be a slight bully in a way, venting my frustrations on one who is not likely to care or speak out. I noticed this behavior of mine and was disgusted with myself, for I am not one who enjoys this oppression of those less inclined to speak through loudness and confidence and half truths; I dislike it especially because  I am often the one in such a situation. I would describe myself as fairly good at socializing and making friends, but less good at speaking back to them, I suppose out of fear of being disliked; I suppose I should also note that I am terrible with acquaintances, those who know something about be from having seen me, but have not spoken to me much - I think this is because I am not sure of their view of me and am therefore not sure how to act to meet their expectations, thus I usually fall quiet. Anyway, knowing I dislike when such a thing is done to myself, how could I be so foolish as to do the same to a dear friend? I see resemblance to the bully who assaults others after being hit by his father. In this act I see my weakness, my vulnerability, the part of me that disappears entirely in my dream world, the part I wish to kill, or to forget. So, I took action. I try now not to do this terrible ridiculing and shouting and lashing out, this emotional outburst that I can only describe as immature and idiotic. And it seems to have worked, I hope. He seems more willing to correct me, to laugh with me and at me, to playfully insult one another, to engage in debates, to confidently state I'm wrong. This pleases me, for I am one who likes debate, at least with those I am comfortable with - I could never debate an acquaintance; however, I could a stranger. As Nietzsche said in This Spoke Zarathustra, "You should seek your enemy, you should wage your war - a war for your opinions."

On the topic of arguments, I often see debates devolve into something different, into bouts of character and not wisdom. Why should anyone care who they argue with? Instead, care about the content of the argument. Every argument is a great victory. You gain knowledge as the spoils of war, especially so if you lose; always be willing and happy to admit you are wrong, and then be grateful to your enemy who has taught you what is right. Argue with murderers about the value of life and with men about the pain of childbirth and with women about the morality of circumcision and with children about the joys of adulthood! Argue, argue, argue, and learn. 

Does being better than another matter at all? Should our only competition not be ourselves? Should our lifelong goal not be to be better than ourself? A futile goal, for one cannot be better than oneself, yet the only goal worth while, the only one that constantly improves you. I wonder if this is what Nietzsche spoke of when he said Man is something to be overcome. To overcome ourselves everyday? Is Superman therefore impossible? I doubt this is what he spoke of, but I do not need to agree with everything he says simply because he was spoken of as wise. I can disagree with Socrates and Aristotle and Schopenhauer and Rousseau and all others and I can form my own set of beliefs and disbeliefs, of rights and wrongs, of dos and do nots. Such is man. I shall try to record these dos and do nots in this here diary. I am not so presumptuous as to believe they are good enough to be learned from, and not so modest that I believe no one will learn from them.

I suppose my first beliefs are the ones spoken of above. Argue and learn. Strive to overcome thyself and no other, be arrogant enough to assume yourself your best and only enemy.

Good night.