Flowing Rhythm

9

"Leo, can you give us a minute?" I didn't wait for his reply and just left him there, pulling Johann a few steps away.

"I told you a hundred times that YOU and I can't happen... I can't even imagine myself being with you, knowing you are my best friend's little brother. And even if you're not, I still can't see it. I never once had feelings for you. I'm not sorry for what I said, but I will not take back my words. You already know it, you don't have a chance. And disrespecting me in front of Lennon just made me like you even less."

I know I crossed the line—but he did it first. He was right; he had no right to say what he did to us. But he still said it. How am I even supposed to face Lennon now? I'll just crumble in embarrassment.

"But you entertained me, didn't you? You don't have feelings for me, yet you accepted all of my gifts? Hmm? You like the attention, you like the chase. But the moment it gets risky, you run away," he said with a bitter smirk, never breaking eye contact. I was speechless. I didn't know whether to deny what he said or admit that he had a point—I do like being liked. And I'm scared I might end up doing the same thing to Lennon.

This is the first time I've liked someone this much. I never used to take love seriously. But this—this is different from anything I've ever felt. I have a life when I'm with Lennon. He brings light to the darkness of my safe place. I want to protect him from this part of me... from my own behavior.

"W-why are you doing this to me—"

"I realized I have potential in life, and you're not the only dream I need to chase. I was just blinded by one-sided love." That was the last thing he said after staring at me for a long time. Then he left. I was alone with the darkness and the cold in this park. Lennon was nowhere in sight. The strong wind seemed to match the mood. There were a lot of people earlier when I was with Lennon, but now... everything had disappeared.

I found my way back to the booths, and some people approached me. I texted my friends to ask where they were, but none of them were online. I figured they were still with their "potential boyfriends," a.k.a. the members of The Red. I didn't know whether to text Lennon too, after what had happened earlier. I felt so alone without them.

I wanted to go home, back to my safe place. But it doesn't feel comfortable anymore, and I'm not even sure it's still safe. The last time I felt like this, I wrote a poem. But I can't do that here—not in the middle of intramurals. Everyone around me is smiling, while I'm frowning. I hid it when I saw some acquaintances. I joined them and forced a smile. It's a good thing I know a lot of people here. At least I won't be alone.

I wish—

lemonDC:
u still coming to my gig later? I will wait for you.

I liked that he didn't ask for any explanation about what happened earlier. But he needs one. He deserves it. I didn't even ask where he was because I knew I wasn't ready to face him. Just for now, I guess. I know this tension I'm feeling will pass.

roellaellera:
Yes, I will come

The sun went down with a lot of sighs. Jeisha, Lexi, and I met again at The Red's gig. They apologized for not seeing my message earlier and asked where I had gone.

"I was with Angel earlier," I said with a smile.

"What happened? Why aren't you with Lemon?" Jeisha asked, so I told them what had happened. They couldn't believe it—mouths agape and silent.

"My brother? Johann did that??" Jeisha stammered, and I nodded and took a sip from my glass.
"Wow, he really grew up," Lexi said with a shake of her head.

"I'll talk to him later when we get home, although I don't really know what to say..." Jeisha sighed.

Our conversation was cut off when the crowd started screaming. I knew it was for The Red, so our attention turned to them. Our table was in front of the stage—they spotted us right away, and thanks to them, we had VIP seats. Lennon smiled at me before they started playing.