Flowing Rhythm

2

It was already late at night when I got home after our first band practice. I was even surprised to see that I arrived earlier than Papa. As expected, he was drunk again, slurring his usual line about what a useless daughter I was while demanding money for cockfighting.

When will my life finally be over?

"Pa, I don't get paid until Saturday. I don't have anything left," I told him, but that only made him angrier—he started smashing things around the house.

"Don't lie to me, Roella! I know you have three jobs—you may have any money!" he yelled at me, and I finally snapped.

"That's exactly it, Pa! I'm the daughter, but I'm the one working to support you! What now? Are you a senior citizen already? Can't you walk anymore?? You take almost all of my salary, and now you're asking why I have nothing left??" I let it all out—all my anger about the money. And it wasn't just that... If he only knew how much rage I'd been hiding inside me.

He immediately slapped me hard across the face. I just laughed through my tears.

"You've got the nerve to talk back to me now, huh?! Did you forget I raised you? Did I ever ask you to pay me back?? Huh??"

"Isn't that what you're doing now?! You've punished me more than enough. I'm so exhausted, Pa... I wish you knew that."

"I know. If your mother hadn't left you with me, I wouldn't be stuck raising a burden like you."

"A burden?? That I'm something you're raising?? Pa?? Really??" I think I'd completely lost control at that point. I knew I'd regret saying all this eventually.

You're such an idiot, Roella.

"You never wanted me, huh? No wonder... You should've just left me at an orphanage. I would've rather grown up there than live with you." I locked myself in my room and cried everything out.

I screamed into my pillow—I couldn't bring myself to say those words to his face. And that wasn't even half of it. I'm just in senior high school, and I already juggle two jobs! I even faked my age on my resume just to get hired! I know more than just drinking and partying.

The next day, I expected my eyes to be swollen, but I still went to school because—

"Hey! It's our defense today—why did you stay up so late?!" Lexi greeted me.

"I was studying," I replied flatly, walking ahead of her. I wasn't in the mood to chat; the bitterness of last night still lingered too much.

"Wait up!" she ran to catch up.

"What happened? I'm your best friend—why won't you tell me?" she pressed.

"Some other time, not today. We still have to get ready."

"But—" As we headed up the stairs, I bumped into a guy in a red hoodie.

"What the hell?! Don't you know how to walk?!" I shouted at Lennon and walked off, fuming.

Lexi didn't push me any further. She must've realized I wasn't in the mood. But I heard her apologizing to Lennon on my behalf and even explained that I was just irritable because I was "going through something."

"Channel your anger somewhere else, will you? Don't go cursing out the panelists later," Jeisha warned me.

"I know."

"Hmph," she handed me a Yakult and said nothing more.

My favorite drink...

I gave her a thankful look, and she nodded in return. I knew I shouldn't be bringing my baggage to school, so by lunchtime, I poured everything out to both of them. I told them all the problems I'd been bottling up.