Daughter of Black

5.18

As much as I didn't want to be separated from Harry, Dumbledore apparted me to the house on Grimmauld. As soon as we landed inside of the house, Mrs Weasley was there, her eyes trained on me. "Mirabella! What is this?" She rushed over to my side and held my face gingerly, as she looked me over. I couldn't hear a word Dumbledore was saying and I didn't want to hear him repeat the news that I knew would haunt me forever. She called down Arthur and that's when I noticed that the usually loud and energetic household was awfully silent. There was no one here. Of course not. Ginny and Ron were probably back at Hogwarts by now and George and Fred were at the shop, anxiously waiting to hear from me. Remus would be here soon, I was sure of it. I didn't have much energy but even Kreature left me alone. I heard the silent whispers of Molly repeating to Arthur what had happened and I saw the look of sadness and pity on his face. To be completely honest, I'm not sure how or when I made it to Fred and George's temporary bedroom, but I did, crashing down on George's bed and letting the sound of silence eat me away.

The first person who visited me was Remus, as soon as he rushed home from the meeting with the rest of the Order. He stared at me from up above, caressing my hair gently. I saw Tonks peek her head in to check in on me, but I didn't say anything. She whispered something to Remus and he kissed my head. "I'll be right next door if you need anything." But we both knew I wouldn't call him for help. I didn't want to say anything. I could hear the voices whispering outside of my door. They left it wide open, so that they could check in on me without having to open the door and come in. I heard the floo powder from the fireplace downstairs and I knew who it was going to be. I heard them before I saw them.

"Where is she?" I heard George yell as he stepped out of the fireplace.

"We came as fast as possible." I heard Fred explain, trying to be the more reasonable one of the two. I heard Molly and Arthur's voices as they explained what had happened. And then I heard the hurried footsteps as the twins raced up the stairs to their bedroom. Even through my tear stained eyes, I could see their matching concerned faces.

"Bella..." I heard George say first, both of them crashing to the ground next to the bed. Tears threatened to burst as both boys wrapped their arms around my body. George picked me up out of the bed and I was squished between the two of them as they hugged me tightly. The three of us hugged for what felt like hours and it was the only thing that had made me stop crying. I could feel the wetness on my cheeks and the puffiness of my eyes. I didn't think I had anything else left in me to start crying again.

"I'm going to go grab you a damp cloth. Do you need anything else?" Fred whispered. I shook my head. There was nothing that I needed. He kissed the top of my head. I knew part of the reason he left was to give me and George a minute.

And as much as I wanted to say something to George, I didn't know what to say. There wasn't anything I could say to make this better. And there wasn't anything George could say either. He was gone. My dad was gone. A muffled sob left my mouth and George cradled me in his arms as my body trembled. George had one arm wrapped tightly against me and the other played with my hair, running his fingers through it to try to soothe me. The only thing it did was make me realise how exhausted I was. A few more tears accumulated in my eyes and a single drop slid down my face. I let my head fall against his shoulder and I wrapped my own arms around George, letting my tears soak into the fabric of his shirt. I stifled my cries, the motions wracking my back up and down.

"You have no idea how sorry I am, love." He kissed my forehead. "I'm right here. I'm here. I'm not going anywhere." He soothes me with his words, helping me to stop crying. "I wish I could take away your pain. I wish I could bring him back for you." And I knew he meant it. He whispered sweet nothings into my ear as I slowly felt my body give in to the exhaustion.

But as much as I loved George, and I loved him so much, I knew his words were like empty promises. He couldn't take away my pain. He couldn't bring back my father. And I knew eventually he would leave me, just like my father did. He would be taken from me. And as much as I didn't want to think about that, it was all I could think of.

Death.

That night I had my first nightmare. Well, maybe it doesn't count as a nightmare if it really happened. I replayed his death over and over in my head. In some of the versions of the nightmare, I was the one killing him. In others, I saved him and I was the one that wound up dead. Some were just the truth of what really happened. I had failed to save my father and our dreams of one day being a real family died with him.

It was hard to imagine what life would be like now. There would be less happiness in this house, less laughter, less cheer. It had been so gloomy for so long that when my father finally escaped from Azkaban and settled back here, we made it our mission to have this be a happy and excited home. A home that everyone felt welcome in. And for a while it was. The meetings with the Order, despite the seriousness of the conversations, brought in new friends and new memories that were being made here. Late night meetings turned into members of the Order staying over for dinner (if they wanted). But now, without him, it felt mute. There were currently no more Order meetings and I wasn't sure if they would continue.

I had spent so much of my life without my father being in it. It seemed ridiculous that in the short time that he was a part of my life he had made such an impact. Which made saying goodbye to him all that much harder. It hurt more than anything knowing that I would never see him again, never hear his voice again (all of his dumb jokes that he claimed were so funny), never hearing his laugh again. My world was a different place without him here.