Like You Mean It

20. Cam

It had been 10 days since I last spoke to Hayden, and I couldn't think about anything else. I was banned from all of the practice rooms and all of my practice equipment was wrongfully stolen from my room because I accidentally practiced "too hard" and my hands are now raw and cracked open. And my practice sticks are a bit bloody.

I am now sitting on my bed, looking at the box of hair dye I bought impulsively on my way home from school because I was spiraling in the car and pulled into the pharmacy parking lot and just wandered in the aisles for a few minutes to calm myself down. And I found a cheap box of teal hair dye and decided to buy it.

And I was now in the bathroom at 1 am, dying my hair.

And my hair was now teal blue.

And I was scrubbing the bathtub with a Magic Eraser to hide the evidence and tossing the disposable gloves into the trash can and leaving the bathroom praying that no one would see my 3 am dye job.

So, this is what a mental breakdown over a blond guy felt like.

I had hidden all of the evidence except for my hair. I was in the clear. I left the bathroom and slammed right into Tom who was waiting for it.

Tom, who looked a little shocked when he saw my hair, just smiled, "I like it."

And that was all it took to break me.

I was sobbing and he was holding me, gently coaxing me back to my room and putting my weighted blanket around my shoulders and then bringing me a cup of hot cocoa and sitting next to me.

"I miss Hayden. I fucked up." I choked out.

"I know." He sighed.

"It was never real. And I let it get real. And I thought everyone would be better off if we just ended it but it's not and I don't know what to do." I sniffled, taking a sip of hot cocoa.

"You could talk to him?" Tom suggested.

"He has made it overtly clear that he doesn't want to be anywhere around me. He probably hates me." I shook my head, "There's no way to fix it."

"There's always a way, at least I hope there is. I liked him. He was good for you." Tom shrugged, "May have been a dirty Knight but...I dunno you seemed more yourself around him. He brought Cam out instead of Cameron."

"But I don't think he ever liked me the way I do." I cried.

"Trust me Cam, he did. And I will bet my life savings he still does."

"But I'm only gonna get like $20 after he rejects me."

"Fuck you, I have more than $20 in my savings account!"