Like You Mean It

12. Cam

I woke up in Hayden's bed. The sun was streaming through the window. Hayden wasn't in bed, but the comforter was pulled over me covering me entirely and the spot next to me still felt warm. I could smell something cooking downstairs and my phone was going off on the bedside table. I reached over and checked it.

Low sugar warning: 59 mg/dL!

I stretched up, hearing my back crack like always. I got up and wandered downstairs, still just in boxers and his hoodie. Hayden was in the kitchen cooking pancakes at 9:30 on a Sunday morning. I took a picture of him and just captioned it with a heart before putting it on my story.

I had to keep up with the act. Because it was an act, obviously. It was just an act. It was just an act for both of us. Well, for him. It really hadn't been an act for me. But it was still an act, nonetheless. It wasn't real.

He was humming along to some song that was playing on his phone speakers. He was such a nerd. I leaned into his shoulder, wrapping my arms around his waist without thinking, "How are you up so early?" I asked with a yawn.

"Because I was hungry, and your phone woke me up." He shrugged, "Happy birthday again and good morning by the way. How'd you sleep?"

"Good." I nodded, "Thank you."

"Anytime." He promised, "Now, I only made chocolate chip pancakes, so you're going to have to deal with it. But breakfast is ready."

"Oh no, how will I ever recover?" I asked sarcastically and he laughed.

He plated the last pancake and stepped to the side, putting the pan in the sink, "Shut up and take your pick, dude. Can't have you passing out from low sugar in my kitchen this early in the morning."

I grabbed a plate from his cabinet and handed him one as well, "I am not going to pass out in your kitchen. You just worry too much."

"I'd worry less if you weren't prone to passing out." He rolled his eyes.

"Shut up." I groaned with a smile.

We each had four pancakes and I drowned mine in syrup while he covered his in butter. We both looked at each other with a bit of disgust and then laughed.

We ate breakfast, watched some TV, and cuddled on the couch. I nearly fell asleep again halfway through an episode of South Park as Hayden played with my hair and rubbed my back. I just felt so...loved.

Which was stupid because this was fake. It was a made-up lie to get Hayden out of an active war zone and to give us intel. It was a symbiotic agreement, nothing more. A necessary alliance, that was all. Right?

It wasn't real. It couldn't be. I wouldn't let it.

Hayden had to work at 1, so as he got ready to go, I headed out.

"Are you doing anything on Friday?" He asked.

"Yeah, we have a game," I answered with a sigh.

"Man, we do too." He groaned.

"I guess I'll see you on Saturday." I chuckled, "Since Tom has added a million hours of practice after the competition."

"Man." He whined, "Jace and Logan did the same thing."

I laughed, "Saturday?"

"Saturday." He smiled.

"Thank you." I looked up at him, "For just being there yesterday. It might not seem like much, but it was to me."

"You don't need to thank me, Cam." He promised, "Anything you need me, I'm here. I'm just a text away, I promise." He pulled me into a tight hug.

I drove home with my heart racing. I was still wearing his stupid Lovell band hoodie and a pair of his sweatpants. His stupid hoodie that smelled like stupid him and was stupidly soft and comfortable and I just couldn't think about anything but him.

When I parked in my driveway, I cranked up the stereo and screamed at the top of my lungs. I let everything out until my voice was hoarse and I killed the engine. I couldn't do this. I could not fall for Hayden right now. I could not do this to me or to him or to our bands.

I headed straight to my room, even though I heard Tom start to say something. I closed my door a little too hard and sank to the floor with my back against the door. I couldn't like Hayden. I couldn't do that to him. To his band. To my band. To my friends. I couldn't do it to all of them.

It would tear apart our bands when we fake broke up, they were already so in love with our relationship. So many people talked to me about him on the bus and in the band room and at rehearsals and constantly all the time, so much. The only people that knew we weren't dating were my siblings and even they started to believe it. I couldn't stop thinking about what they all said yesterday.

"Y'know, I thought you guys were lying, but damn you really have been dating all summer," Gabby softly chimed as we were walking to the bus, "How did you hide him so well?"

"You two really are together, huh? Thought you and Tom were just using it to spy on Lovell." Reese observed as I helped them bring the marimba off the truck and into the band room, "You should bring him around more, he's funny."

And Tom had grabbed my shoulder saying, "I thought you two were lying, but. Christ you guys are good at hiding. I'm so happy you found him, and I really like him." He had such a genuine smile on his face, and it made me want to puke.

Everyone was depending on us to be the perfect couple, a modern Romeo and Juliet that ended well. Star-crossed lovers that found a way together despite the odds. And the ironic thing was that this stupid perfect relationship would be ruined because I actually fell in love with Hayden.

I'm in love with Hayden.

Fuck.

"Cam?" Tom was knocking on my door, "Y'alright?"

"Fine," I called.

"Ok. Hayden didn't do anything, did he?" Tom asked.

"No Tom, Hayden and I are good," I told him.

"Ok." He paused, "Do you want to talk?"

"No." I answered, "I'm just tired, it's been a long day already. I'm gonna take a nap before we have dinner."

I knew he would be hurt by it. We always talked and gave each other advice, but this wasn't something I could tell him about. The only person I could talk to about Hayden was Hayden. Which was stupid and frustrating and impossible.

I had to stop this. I had to stop liking him. I couldn't let these stupid feelings get in my way. I needed to win and prove that I was good enough on my own. I am not Kayden or Maddie or Tom. I'm not some idiot that fell in love with the enemy.

I was in it to win, and I wasn't going to let anything, or anyone stop me.

--

Hayden ignored me all of Monday. I stopped texting him Tuesday morning. He sent me one last text at 2:14 am on Wednesday.

Hayden: i'm sorry, i can't do this anymore.

It was a shitty goodbye in terms of goodbyes.

I still stayed up crying over it.