Like You Mean It

29. Hayden

Our rehearsal time was 9 am. Cam was so lucky, he got to sleep in. Our breakfast was at 6 am, we took the bus over to Trenton College at 7:30, and had rehearsal for an hour. Then we had to wait. The competition started at 2, we were second while Valley was third. I would have to miss Cam's performance.

He was going to do great, I knew that. He always did great. He was like the best percussionist in the world. Now that we were dating, I could admit that he was definitely a better percussionist than I was, but I would never let him know that.

Cam: good luck, can't wait to see your show from the sidelines :)

Cam: you're going to do great, i know you're definitely freaking out rn

Me: shut uppp

Cam: you are, i know you

Me: i hate you

Cam: mhm totallyyyyy

Me: shouldn't you be rehearsing right now?

Cam: we just ended, we're getting lunch now

Cam: the FOM ordered subs for us from some local deli

Me: lucky, they just gave all of us a meal voucher and set us lose in the university food court

My phone buzzed, Cam was video-calling me. I answered, "Hey." I grinned.

"Hey." He grinned, "Stop freaking out."

"Says you." I rolled my eyes, "You're the one in this relationship with a diagnosed anxiety disorder."

"Shut up." He laughed, "Do you wanna talk about it?"

"I don't know." I sighed, "I just. I keep getting in my head and dissecting every single beat I play. And there's this stupid voice that tells me I'm not good enough, that I'm going to screw up no matter how hard I work."

"That's irrational. You do know that, right?" He asked softly.

"Yeah, but sometimes I let it get to me." I shrugged.

"Like right now?" He asked.

"A little bit, yeah."

"Well, the voice in your head is stupid, in my opinion. And I'm always right so you should listen to me instead of the voice. And I think that you're one of the greatest musicians I've had the pleasure of working with," He started, "You're dedicated to the craft, you dedicate a ridiculous amount of time to working and improving your skills, and I can't help but admire the positivity to bring to the field every single rehearsal."

I was tearing up, "I'm really lucky I met you."

"I'm really glad you're in my life." He smiled.

"Hay let's go. We gotta get into uniform!" Jace called from across the food court.

"You better go. I'll see you during intermission." Cam smiled.

"Yeah, see you then, love you." I smiled and then hung up.

Love you. Love you. Love you.

Uh oh.

I got up and rushed over to Jace, "Are you ok, dude?" He asked.

"I just said love you and hung up on a video call with Cam," I explained.

"Was that the first time either of you said that?" He asked.

"Yep." I nodded.

He laughed, "Oh dude."

"I'm freaking out man." I groaned.

"I bet he is too." Jace laughed.

"Oh god, what'd you do Hayden?" Max asked with a laugh.

"He told Cam he loved him for the first time and then hung up the call before Cam could respond," Jace explained.

Max started to laugh, "I'm so glad you both find my misery comedic, but what the hell do I do?" I asked, "It just slipped out!"

"Well, was it 'I love you' or 'love you?'" Max asked.

"Love you," I answered.

"Then it's ok dude. I say love you to Jace and you all the time. You can pass it off as a platonic thing." They shrugged.

"Do not pass it off as a platonic thing. You and Cam are like the furthest thing from platonic." Jace sighed and turned to Max, "How have you managed to keep a boyfriend for this long?"

"I dunno." Max shrugged as we got in line to get on the bus, "David loves me."

"What did I do?" David asked from behind me.

"Oh, you love me." Max grinned.

"Oh yeah, obviously. Why are we talking about that? Who said I didn't?" He asked.

"No, Hayden is just freaking out because he said, 'love you' to Cam and then hung up the call because he panicked," Max explained.

David laughed, "Of course he did."

"What do I do?" I asked as we walked onto the bus.

"Do you love him?" Jace asked, sitting down next to me.

"I...I think so. I just. I've liked him for so long, probably since the November camp for Kings last year. He's just so smart and funny and I love being around him. He makes the room light up every time I see him," I explained, "But I don't want to rush headfirst into anything. We've been taking things slowly. I don't want to screw it all up."

"Just talk to him." Jace chuckled, "I'm positive he feels the same way about you."

"Yeah." David nodded, "It's a little unbearable how much he adores you."

"True. He's always got like heart eyes for you every time he sees you dude," Max agreed.

"Well, Hayden does the same thing too." David chuckled.

"This is harassment." I groaned.

"Not harassment if it's the truth." Max shrugged, "You're a major simp for your boyfriend."

"Shut up!" I groaned.

--

Our show went ridiculously well. It was the best we had ever performed. I was sweaty as we walked towards the equipment truck, unzipping my jacket and resting it on top of my drums.

"Hey, I'll take your drum," Jace offered as the band was walking off the track.

"What?" I asked.

"I'll take your drum. You go run and get a good spot in the stands. Go see Cam's show." Jace took my harness and drum from me.

"Are you sure?" I asked, "Will Jonesy be ok with it?"

"Oh my god." He laughed as we got to the fence, "Jonesy!"

"Yeah, Jace?" Jonesy turned around.

"Can Hayden go run and watch his boyfriend's performance while I put away his drum?" He asked.

"Yeah, go run!" Jonesy exclaimed, "Christ Hayden, go see Cam play!"

"Thank you." I grinned.

I raced around the fence, down the path back to the stadium, and up two flights of stairs to where our seats were reserved. I leaned against the railing in the front, 6 feet above the track at the 50-yard line. The perfect spot to see Valley's show. And the perfect timing too as Tom had just finished his salute.

I looked to see Cam on his dot, focused on Tom as he conducted the band in. Once he played his first note, his attention shot to me. I could almost see the slight upturn in his lips, the hint of that Cam smirk. He was breaking attention just a bit because he saw me.

God, I loved him.