Like You Mean It

24. Cam

Hayden was next to me in my bed, an arm around my waist and his head in the crook of my neck. We were watching some classic 80s movie that Hayden insisted I watch because he was convinced it was the pinnacle of cinema, it was something about time travel.

I really wasn't paying attention to the movie and more looking at Hayden.

He looked up at me with his stupid grin, "What?"

"You're pretty." I shrugged, "I like looking at you." I smiled.

His face flushed, "Shut up." He groaned, burying his head back into the crook of my neck.

"Come on, you can't blame me." I tried to get him to look at me.

"You're so fucking cheesy." He rolled his eyes, looking back up at me.

"Yeah." I grinned, "But I get to say all this stuff out loud now since I'm officially your boyfriend."

"Mhm." He nodded and pulled me into a kiss.

God, I could never get over how right kissing Hayden felt. We fit together like two puzzle pieces that were designed to fit. He moved his hands to hold my waist. I had one hand on the nape of his neck and the other on the small of his back. It just felt so perfect.

Hayden broke the kiss and flipped us both over, bringing me into his lap, "Hayden!" I exclaimed softly with a grin.

"What?" He asked innocently.

I pulled him into another kiss, deeper and a lot more intense. Jesus Hayden was really really good at making out. His lips moved down, peppering kisses across my jaw and down my neck.

"Nothing visible," I warned, my voice sounded breathy as my heart was racing.

"Do you think I'm that debaucherous?" He asked.

"I'm shocked you know that word." I rolled my eyes as he looked up and pouted.

"Rude."

And we both started laughing so hard we were both tearing up.

Hayden pulled me back down next to him, "Do you have another pair of pajama pants that I can borrow, or am I stuck sleeping in jeans?" He asked.

"Probably?" I thought for a second.

"Do you only owe one pair of pajama pants?" He asked.

"Let's check." I got up and he whined, trying to grab me and pull me back down.

"I need to get changed too, Hay. I'm sweating to death right now." I rolled my eyes, "C'mon you big baby."

I headed to my dresser and checked the second drawer. I had a pair of music department sweatpants. I tossed the music department sweats at Hayden and looked for a pair of boxers or shorts I could wear to sleep because it was quite hot in my bed with both of us under the covers.

"Bathroom?" He asked.

"Downstairs, first door to your right. Look out for Reese, they are usually doing some weird skincare thing right now." He nodded and kissed my cheek.

I changed my pants and pulled off my hoodie, tossing everything into my laundry bin. I took my meds with water as Hayden came back into the room. His shirt was off. It wasn't the first time I had seen him with his shirt off, but it was still new.

"Oh wow." His face was red, he was staring.

"The scars are bad, I know." I was looking for a shirt to sleep in.

He grabbed my wrist, "I always forget how good you look shirtless," He said, so nonchalantly, for a comment that lit my face on fire.

"Oh my god shut up." I groaned.

"You love it." He grinned.

"I'm going to make you sleep in Tom's room if you keep this up," I warned him.

"Keep what up? Flirting with my incredibly attractive boyfriend?" He asked.

I grinned, "I like when you call me that."

"What, my boyfriend? That's because you are my boyfriend, Cam." He kissed me, "In case you forgot already."

I kissed him back, slowly walking us both to the bed. He gently pushed me down on my bed, I shifted to lie down, and he was on top of me in seconds. Then his hands started trailing lower, past my shoulders, and ghosting my heart and top surgery scars. We were moving in tandem, and it just felt right to be making out with him.

Then his hands moved towards my waistband.

I froze, like a panicked froze. I didn't know what happened, but I had pulled back and froze.

Hayden immediately got up and gave me space, "Are you ok?" He asked, standing next to my bed.

"Yeah, sorry I just. I don't um." I didn't know how to explain it.

"Take your time." He assured me.

"I don't want to go any further than kissing because I haven't actually had sex let alone a real relationship before, so I don't know what I'm doing and I'm kind of freaking out right now and it is not your fault I'm just really nervous about doing this stuff for the first time," I explained quickly.

He sat down next to me, "So we should talk about boundaries."

I nodded, "I'd prefer it if hands were limited to the waist and above the shoulders. Not sure if I'm ready for kissing below the neck. And I'm definitely not ready for any form of sex."

He nodded, "Ok."

I waited for the backlash. For the questions. For him to break up with me and call me a prude. He didn't, he stayed quiet.

"Just...ok?" I asked.

"Cam." I turned to him, "I'm not going to make you do anything you're not comfortable with. I'm your boyfriend and I'm just happy to be that. I would be happy if I never had sex again as long as I have you."

I smiled softly, "You're amazing."

"It's the bare minimum." He smiled.

"I do definitely want to have sex...with you. At some point." I told him.

"You don't need to rush it," He explained, "I really should've checked with you beforehand."

He seemed pretty experienced with this.

"Have you had sex before?" I asked him.

"Yeah." He nodded, "A few times. Does that bother you?"

I shook my head, "No. Of course not."

"Ok." He nodded.

Neither of us were really sure where to go from here.

"I mean, right now making out is still good," I told him.

He nodded, "Making out is very very very good."

And he kissed me again.