Like You Mean It

8. Cam

That was the best performance I had ever given. And it was all because of Hayden. Stupid, pretty, amazing Hayden who calmed me down, kissed me, and reset my brain. Stupid Hayden whose eyes I found during my solo when I thought I would fall apart but the second I saw him grinning at me, all of my nerves just disappeared. Stupid Hayden with his stupid smile and laugh and his stupid everything. I needed to find him, like right now.

I packed up my drum as fast as I could and headed up to the stands, as I turned down the hallway we were in earlier, I saw him. He was sitting against the wall, head leaned down, and hands clasped in front of his face. He looked like he was going to puke, have a panic attack, or both.

"Hayden?" I asked, crouching down next to him.

He looked up at me, "Shit, hey." He wiped his face, quickly as if he was embarrassed.

I sat down next to him, "Terrified?" I asked.

"You guys are going to crush us." He groaned, covering his face with his hands, "And I'm going to screw up."

"So what?" I asked, "This is a soft opener. Wins here are irrelevant, even a state win is irrelevant. As long as you keep improving on the way to regionals, you're golden."

He looked over at me, "You won this competition last year."

"Yeah, with a score of 64.5. I wouldn't call that a win, I'd say that's a loss honestly." I sneered, "Winning with a score of 64.5. That's just embarrassing."

He chuckled and leaned into my shoulder, "Do you want to get some lunch together?" I asked, "You have a shortened lunch because of your timeslot so we should probably get something soon."

He shook his head, "I'm too nervous to eat. I think I'll puke it up."

"Ok, then you have to eat after. Grab food after you finish performing and bring it over when you come back to the stands." I offered, "I think right now though you definetly need some water, yeah?"

He nodded, "Yeah."

I stood up and held out my hand, he took it, "Let's get you some water."

We walked hand in hand to a food vendor. I bought him some water and we sat at a weird balcony area that he showed me, explaining along the way how he would come to make out with random girls during this competition here and never get caught.

"So, do you actually like guys?" He asked, out of the blue.

"Yeah, I'm gay." I nodded, "Strictly and extremely gay."

He nodded, "I'm bi."

"Cool, thanks for telling me." I smiled then I felt my face drop, "Us fake dating didn't out you or anything, right?"

"No. No no no no no." He shook his head, "Most people knew or figured, I never really bothered to care enough about hiding it once I figured it out."

I sighed in relief, "Thank God. If you got outed, I would've felt horrible."

"Don't worry about me." He smiled, "You didn't get outed right?"

"Nah." I shook my head, "I've been the openly gay and trans guy since freshman year."

"Wait, you're trans?" He asked.

I looked at him dead in the eyes, "Dude. We met in middle school before I started socially transitioning."

Everyone knew I was trans. It was town gossip for all of my middle school years. Everyone and their extended family knew I was trans. They all loved to talk about it, behind my back and straight to my face. A lot of kids from other districts knew too just because people liked to spread rumors. I had known Hayden since the 6th grade, how did he not know?