Like You Mean It

22. Cam

"You um...you dyed your hair."

Hayden looked shocked and blown away and confused and a lot of emotions at once. A lot of very conflicting emotions it seemed. He looked tired too. His blond hair was pulled back into a messy half-bun, but he was in jeans even though he was definitely practicing his music before Logan dragged him out of his house.

"I had a bad week." I shrugged.

And we were both quiet for a second, until I couldn't hold the words back in my throat and I just let them out, "I wanted it to be real the entire time we were together."

Hayden looked shocked, "What?"

Why the hell did I just say that?! Why did I just say that oh my god he totally thinks I'm weird and stupid and I'm just the weird gay guy who has a huge crush on him.

"This was stupid, no I am going down. Fuck sorry, fuck this was stupid." I got up and headed to the stairs.

"Cam, no wait."

Hayden grabbed my wrist and pulled me back. We both paused for a second, I turned to face him. I could at least hear him out. He didn't speak. He pulled me into a kiss, both of his hands holding my face. It took me a second to register before I wrapped my arms around his shoulders, kissing him back.

"I'm getting so many mixed signals right now," I said softly when we pulled apart.

"Fuck sorry, I." He sighed leaning his forehead against mine, "I fucked everything up and I should not have ghosted you or said any of the things I said to you at the Elm Street competition. You didn't deserve that and none of it was true. You work so hard for all of the things you get, and I am astonished by you every time because you always show how much you deserve to be on the field day in and day out. And I was scared and fucking horrible to you, and I was an asshole and I thought you didn't like me back, so I just tried to end everything to make it better and I realized that it just made everything worse, and I didn't mean anything I said and-"

I knew he hadn't meant any of the things he said at the Elm Street competition because I knew him. I knew he didn't say things like that without having an underlying reason, which was, in this case, the fact that he thought I didn't like him back because he liked me. Wait.

I cupped his cheek with one of my hands, "You like me?" I asked.

"Was that not established when I just kissed you? Or when I kissed you after your soloist award? Or when I kissed you at my home game? Or when I called you pretty? Or-" I cut him off.

"I'm a little slow to the uptake apparently." I chuckled.

"You thought I didn't like you the entire time we were fake dating?" He asked.

"Yeah." I smiled nervously.

"Oh my god. Cameron Michael Miller, I cannot believe you. For someone so fucking smart, you are the dumbest man I have ever met." He rolled his eyes with a laugh, "I like you."

"I like you too, Hayden James Cross." I smiled.

"So, can I kiss you for real now?" He asked.

I didn't bother to answer, just pulled him into a kiss.

"I am sorry." He softly said after we pulled apart, "I really. Fuck I don't know what I was thinking at Elm Street. You didn't deserve any of that."

"Hayden. I forgive you. I know you didn't mean it." I made him look at me, "What was going on with you, really?"

"I was scared. I felt insecure and jealous and terrified that I was going to ruin the competition season by letting myself be happy with you," He explained, "It was stupid."

I chuckled a bit, "It was stupid. But I did the same thing by egging you on."

"Yeah." He nodded.

"We're both kind of stupid, aren't we?" I asked.

"Yeah. But we can be idiots together." He grinned.

"You're so fucking stupid." I rolled my eyes and kissed him again, "I literally hate you."

"Uh, I think you actually like me quite a bit." He grinned.

"Shut up." I groaned.

"Nope. You like me." I kissed him again.