Like You Mean It

28. Cam

Dinner was boring and so were the rehearsals afterwards. Tom was off talking with the drum major crew about something logistical or something. I didn't pay attention while he was droning on about it. Jamie and Nick were both in the game room. So, I was alone in our hotel room. It was nearly 10 pm and I was bored out of my mind, but I knew that Lovell had an early day tomorrow. They were slotted way before us for rehearsal time, so I didn't want to bother Hayden.

Hay: did you bring a bathing suit?

Me: yeah why?

Hay: do you wanna go hang out at the pool?

Me: yeah :)

Hay: cool bc i'm going to be outside your door in like five seconds so change quick

I shut off my phone and quickly scrambled into my swim trunks. I put on the pair of flip flops I brought, grabbed one of the hotel towels, and made sure I had my key with me when Hayden knocked on the door. I opened it.

"Wow, you changed fast," He remarked.

"Ready for the pool?" I asked with a grin.

"Are those rainbow flamingos on your swim trunks?" He asked, looking down.

"They were a gag gift for my birthday." I chuckled, "Kay seems to think I don't own enough funny clothing."

"He's right. You do kind of only wear Lovell or Valley band merch." Hayden shrugged as we started to walk.

"Says the one who supplies me with all of the Lovell band merch and now Lovell hockey merch too. You like seeing me in your clothes." I grinned.

"Shut up." He rolled his eyes, threading our hands together.

I bumped into his shoulder with a grin.

--

We were, shockingly, the only people who had the idea of going to the pool. We had it all to ourselves. We put our stuff down on two of the chairs closest to the pool entrance. Hayden tore his shirt off and started towards the pool.

That stupid pit of anxiety settled in my stomach. I couldn't take my shirt off. Hayden had seen me shirtless before. He thinks it's disgusting. You're a fake boy and everyone can tell when you take your shirt off. They can see your heart surgery scar. They can see that you're falling apart at the seams. They can see your top surgery scars. Your hips. Your everything. You don't fool them, they all know. They all know that you're disgusting and horrible and ugly. He'll break up with you if you take your shirt off, it's disgusting.

"Cam?" Hayden was in front of me.

I looked up, "Hey, you spaced out there. Are you ok?" He asked softly.

"I can't take my shirt off," I mumbled.

"What?" He asked.

"It's so stupid I just can't take it off. You've seen me shirtless before and I shouldn't be scared but I just can't take it off. Like my brain won't let me," I explained quickly.

"Then don't." He smiled, "It'll dry. It's just a shirt."

"You don't mind?" I asked.

"Why would I mind, baby?" He asked, "I just want to pick you up and throw you into the water. It doesn't matter if you have a shirt on or not, as long as you're comfortable."

And I kissed him with a grin, "You're too good."

"C'mon." He tilted his head to the pool.

"Ok, but you're going to have to guide me." I took my glasses off, "Because I cannot see a single thing right now."