Like You Mean It

16. Cam

My earbuds were on full blast the entire way home. I refused to let any of my siblings get a word in, I didn't talk to Nick or Mal or anyone no matter how hard they tried to get a word out of me. There was no way they didn't already know Hayden and I were basically through. And I really didn't want to talk about it.

When we got home, I was cornered in the living room.

"Are you and Hayden through?" Gabby asked.

"I don't know." I groaned, "I don't want to talk about this."

"Are you shutting him out?" Tom asked.

"Did you say something?" Reese asked.

"Is this why you were shit today?" Gabby asked.

"Gabs," Tom warned, "Don't."

"Do you want to fucking win or not?" I asked loudly, "He was a distraction. He was a big fat fucking distraction, ok?! I'm here to win. Not to be distracted from the gold by some stupid fucking guy, ok?! It's either I get to have Hayden, or we get to win. And I'm not gonna be happy either way! So, I picked the outcome where less people get hurt, he'll get over me. Now leave me alone!"

I pushed past them and locked myself in my room. I didn't come out for dinner. I didn't answer the door. I just texted that I was alive and hadn't killed myself. I couldn't get myself to block him or take any posts down, but I muted any notifications from him.

I didn't need him.

I was either going to win or be happy. And winning is more important to everyone else. No matter how much I would've liked to be with Hayden for real, winning is what would make everyone else happy.

He'll get over me. He's better off without me anyway. He was right. I really was just a fucking distraction to everyone. I was only where I was because of my last name. I didn't deserve him and I was just weighing him down anyway. I was good for nothing.

--

I left my room once for the rest of the weekend. At 3 am to stock up on food and drinks. That was it.