Like You Mean It

15. Hayden

Valley's performance was great. They were sharp. They were extravagant. They were better than last week. Cameron sounded fantastic in his solo. Everything was fantastic. Fucking fantastic.

Great.

I was so stupid for thinking I had a chance, for thinking this could have meant something. He was obviously using me for information, and I just let him. And Valley just keeps getting better while we keep getting worse. Cameron keeps getting better and better every time he performs while I keep getting worse.

–

I performed the worst I ever had. I fumbled through my notes. I couldn't focus. It was sloppy. It was uncoordinated. It was all Cam's fault. It was all Cameron's fault. Stupid Cam, stupid Cameron, it was all Cam's fault that stupid-

I bumped into someone as I was pacing the halls, "Shit sorry I..." It was Cam.

His eyes were bloodshot and puffy. He had been crying, there were dark circles under his eyes, and he looked paler than normal. Next to him was the center snare drummer for Valley, Nick Forester. They were also Cam's best friend.

Nick glared at me while Cam looked up at me with an unreadable expression. Nick walked away as Cam said, "We need to fucking talk."

"Yeah, we do," I said.

"Why have you been ignoring me all week?" He asked, "What the hell was that text? What is going on with you?"

"There's nothing going on with me." I rolled my eyes.

"There is though. What's going on?" He asked, "You can talk to me."

"Really?" I scoffed, "This is just for information, isn't it? We don't need to be friends to keep this going up."

He looked hurt, like he was upset that I was telling him the truth. It was fake. It was fake, it just wasn't real. It was fake, right?

He spoke, "I know this is fake, but there's clearly something going on with you and I do care. So, you can fucking talk to me."

"Can I?" I asked, "You're just using me to get information for your band, aren't you?"

"If anything, you're the one who's fucking using me for information, ok? You're the one who spied first, but fuck that doesn't matter. I don't know what the hell is going on with you right now, but if you have a problem with me just fucking say it already." He spat out.

"You're a distraction to me. I can't let some stupid fake relationship get in the way of winning. I just fumbled through my part out there because you got under my skin and into my head," I told him, "I can't keep letting you distract me from what's actually important."

He scoffed, "I'm a distraction for you? Yeah, of course, I am. I stopped you from overworking yourself. Your hands are probably chapped and bleeding because you don't have the self-control to realize you are fucking great at the drums. How is that distracting you from doing your best? You can't even fucking get through a week without almost working yourself to the bone."

"I have to work my ass off. I don't need your pity. You don't get it. You have nothing to prove, I have everything to prove out there." I glared.

"To who?" He asked angrily, "Who the hell do you think you have to prove yourself to so badly that you can't get the fact that you're doing the best you can through your own fucking thick, insecure head?"

"Not all of us have the fucking luxury of our last name getting us places!" I exclaimed.

Oh god. I didn't actually just say that did I?

Cam looked like he had been slapped in the face and I regretted everything that had come tumbling out my mouth, "Wait. Cam I-"

"Fuck you, Hayden."

And he left.

A wave of guilt swept over me. I felt sick to my stomach. Shit. Shit. Shit. Wait no, why do I feel guilty? He was using me for information. He doesn't deserve my guilt. He was using me, right? But, I said horrible things I didn't mean. Things that just came tumbling out. Things that definitely hurt him.

And I turned to go back to the stands when I saw a few Valley kids standing with Kendall, Fiona, and Emily. So, I turned around and locked myself in the family bathroom until awards began.

Fuck this was my fault, wasn't it? Fuck.

We got 4th.

Valley got 2nd.