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" The idea you had of me,
Who was she?
A never-needy, ever-lovely jewel,
Whose shine reflects on you "
//
" You know there's many different ways that you can kill the one you love,
The slowest way is never loving them enough "
―WHEN I GET back, Tamar and I are both immediately summoned by Nikolai. My nerves are a mess and I'm certain that I'm about to be in severe trouble. Dimly, as I walk through the halls of the Grand Palace, I wonder if I should jump out of the window and grab the first rowboat to get out of here. I've never seen Nikolai angry before, but surely there's a first for everything.
I let out a long sigh as we reach his door and knock.
"Come in," I hear him say.
I share a quick look with Tamar before we enter. He's seated at his desk, scribbling something beneath the illumination of a dim lamp. I swallow and adjust my kefta as he stands and regards us both.
"Kapitan―" Tamar begins.
He holds up a hand. "I'm not mad that you snuck out. I'm mad that you got caught." He fixes his hazel eyes on me. "What happened?"
I fold my arms uneasily. "A fight broke out in the Griski mansion. It was staged, and as we were escaping, there was a lady who was trapped beneath one of the banquet tables. I went to go help, and when all else failed, I had to use my ability to save her. Multiple people saw my face."
Nikolai releases a heavy sigh. "Tamar?"
"Da, kapitan?"
"You can go. As long as you give Alina a lecture." His lips quirk upwards slightly.
Tamar gives a quick bow before departing. I want to start crying right now, unsure of what to say or to do. It feels like being reprimanded by the Darkling, his face always completely unreadable and terrifyingly calm, even if he's scathing mad beneath.
Nikolai studies me for a moment. "Yi. . . I don't. . ." He squints slightly, as if mentally preparing himself for the words he's about to say. "I don't know if it's best for you to be guarding Alina anymore."
A sudden surge of anger rushes through me, completely unsolicited.
"What?" I blink quickly. "Why?"
He purses his lips for a moment. "You were rash. You shouldn't have gone to help that girl when Alina was in danger."
