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" Time, curious time,
Cutting me open then healing me fine,
Were there clues I didn't see?"
//
" No more keeping score,
Now, I just keep you warm,
No more tug of war,
Now, I just know there's more "
―"EVENTUALLY," THE DARKLING says calmly, "he will feed."
I stare at the sky, where that small grey dot flying in the air used to be. My chest feels like it's caving in, a pain so acute that I can hardly breathe, and I just feel so incredibly stupid knowing that if I could have done more, if I wasn't some weak, idiotic Fabrikator, I could have saved Nikolai. I swallow and when tears sting at my eyes, I refuse to let them fall, not wanting to feel more pathetic than I already do.
The Darkling studies me. "Is that it?" He tilts his head and I have the distinct urge to punch him until his nose is split and his eyes pool with blood. "I truly believed you would at least be able to retaliate."
"Shut up," I say, my voice weak, and I feel like a porcelain vase with a small crack just waiting to turn into a yawning fissure that will tear me apart.
He shakes his head. "You've grown soft."
I feel something surge in me, a jolt of fury burrowing into my chest. But it feels like a weak, tiny spark, so desperate and useless.
And suddenly it hits me.
I've spent years running from this feeling, yet here I am.
I feel helpless.
Like I did all those years ago in the middle of the night as the King entered my chambers, the moonlight spilling in through the curtains and my lantern flickering as I cried, tears blurring my vision like snowflakes resting on my lashes. Just like I felt when my brother Qhang swept my ankles for the fifth time as we sparred, my mother watching with unbridled disdain. Just how I felt the day I was pushed to the ground and burned by an Inferni, thrown into the lake by a Tidemaker and left unconscious, courtesy of a Heartrender.
The Darkling gestures towards his nichevo'ya. "Seize them."
A flurry of darkness and shadows surrounds Alina, Mal, and I. I see the Sun Summoner sending blazing arcs of light out in all different directions, Mal's rifle pinging with bullets and cartridges falling to the ground as I send blades slicing through the monsters. Even so, there are far too many, and I know we'll be overpowered.
