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" My castle's crumbling down,
And I watch all my bridges burn to the ground,
And you don't want to know me,
I will just let you down "
―I KNOW I have nothing to offer for Nikolai's birthday, and it irks me more than I'll ever admit. I always planned on giving him the best gift possible, but now that the day has arrived, I'm not so sure that it'll be possible. I may as well try to make something with my own ability, but I can't decide what I should craft.
After the talk in the commons room about the firebird, Mal has been avoiding everyone. Before Nikolai's birthday dinner, the latter and I spoke about what we'll do if the Shu decide to go against Ravka. I'm fearful that my mother will speak with my aunt and have me taken by a regent of guards, but so far there have been no signs hinting towards such a notion.
As I prepare for the dinner, I genuinely consider just skipping it.
It isn't that I'm not thrilled to be able to celebrate Nikolai's wonderful birthday, but the thought of having to see Vasily all puffed up after his trip to Carveya and to have to act like his loving fiancee makes me sick. Besides, the King and Queen have resented me since the moment I stepped into the palace, and I'm certain that I'll keel over if I have to act like I enjoy their presence for any more than five minutes.
After lots of contemplation, I decide to wear my Grisha colours.
I've never picked up Nikolai's favourite colours, so I'm hoping this will be a better alternative. It's a Materialki purple gown with layers of tulle, the lace and stitching of the corset is silver, embroidery shaping into starbursts and mini suns in honor of our beloved Sun Summoner.
The ribbons at the back of the bodice are red to symbolize the Alkemi and a tribute to Ivan, though I won't bother telling anyone the second part.
I don't bother with my hair and Genya's chiding voice echoes in my mind.
But Yi, curls look divine when put up. Don't be a bore.
It sends a small pang of sadness through me. The days have been bland without the gossip we would share, braiding each other's hair into intricate designs just to restart over and over again, insulting the Queen behind her back and sharing harmless secrets.
I snap back to attention as Tolya knocks on the door to escort me to the dinner.
He leads me through the halls to a large dining room known as the Eagle's Nest for its roof emblazoned by the Lantsov's double eagle, a scepter in one talon and a few black arrows in the other, ribbons of red, blue, and purple binding them together.
